Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with the guy I am seeing and I were fooling around in my room. I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he didn't have time because he had to go play Mario Kart. FML
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "Eat it, eat it!" FML
Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML
Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, after a great double date with my best friend and two really hot guys, we went back to my place. My friend and I left the guys in the living room to go grab some more wine. When we came back, we found our dates making out with each other on the couch. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
You silly goose, you gotta tie him down before you dominate him if you don't know whether he's a runner.
seandoc 13
He must've been under some serious pressure. Or he could've just wanted some pizza.
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Comments (98)
Aspen_Grace33 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe be a little less aggressive next time? Sometimes the guy wants to be the one in control!
ricars 5
It can go both ways. I like it when she takes the initiative.
Snackycake 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"He", not she. Op's a dude, too.
imagineapc 11
From what I'm reading, OP is a woman. You know, where it says "by Anonymous (woman)".
freakinglaugher 10
35 *Fri face* Can't tell if trolling, or really that stupid...
Codezlol 21
Op got clam jammed by a pizza and other penis! Ouch!
Snackycake 20
Sorry, I'm on my phone and was looking at the right side instead of the left. The left side has both symbols in blue and I got confused and thought it meant boy. My fault.
sens3sfailing 25
That symbol means it is in the intimacy section, nothing to do with gender of OP
TheNewGuy03 29
Well, for some people, pizza is pretty important. I'd personally be double-stuffing poon with **** as toppings. It's all good.
decidedlyvague 11
Stick figure is man right!??? Cuz the stick at the bottom of the outstretched hands looks like penis. You know, where the woman kneels down and gives man ********? -.- dumbass
decidedlyvague 11
I couldn't change my god damn comment after reading all of the posts. FML
sens3sfailing 25
Don't try to make excuses for your terrible comment, it would have been terrible anyway. And also, that is quite a shitty excuse too.
IllestRated 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like a nervous wreck.
happle 21
Or he's not ready to have sex yet.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Or the moon was full and he was about to turn into a werewolf.
SirCharles83 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
5- my initial question was: young or gay. In my estimation op's boyfriend 100% falls into one of those categories.
happle 21
Being young or gay doesn't have anything to do with it. If you don't want your first time with someone to be special, fine, but other people are different.
FMLandFYL2_xoxo 22
Maybe he just had to fart!
bugmenotmofo 34
Not necessarily. Maybe he didn't find his partner to be sexually attractive. Maybe he was shy. Or maybe he badly wanted to go to toilet, big time.
seandoc 13
He must've been under some serious pressure. Or he could've just wanted some pizza.
biggestfan23 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Probably embarrassed of his small weenie. Happens all the time
Maverick52 13
You know what they say, pizza pies over cream pies...
pickles1994 18
Under some serious pressure? ~That's rude, are you implying OP is overweight?~
Stalkerloo 11
3, your profile picture is creeping me out too much, and I lost my witty comment.
seandoc 13
#83, Where did you come up with that thought? I never mentioned in anyway possible that he was overweight.
IadamkI 3
You must be really ugly if he left you so quickly...you deserved it anyways
TurtleSmile 14
Props to you for going for it, sorry he didn't respond so well.
pieman528 10
It's not tht he didn't respond, maybe he just has this awesome pizza making talent that he didnt want to hide from the world.
TheDrifter 24
You silly goose, you gotta tie him down before you dominate him if you don't know whether he's a runner.
SirCharles83 13
From experience, I presume?
TheDrifter 24
Certainly. I mean uhmm, freaky girls who tie me to the bed and do naughty things to me are bad, mmkay?
igive 29
I didn't know cats could be so kinky.
ZombieSnoopy 9
maybe he's a nervous virgin??
perdix 31
#7, yeah, but rope burns can be counted as evidence. Roofies get the job done, and when your victim, er, I mean, lover, comes to his senses, the drug has dropped to undetectable levels. Better living through chemistry ;)
TheDrifter 24
I knew I was botching it somehow. I totally forgot I was supposed to erase all evidence and release them afterwards. On the plus side, I had plenty of New Years Eve company.
mowmowlife 21
He was really into you, but his friends were going to shoot him up if he didn't get it to them by midnight. He really needs to get out of that gang situation
pheebs314 17
Maybe he wants your first time to be more meaningful and not just a rushed act at a party with everyone he knows outside the door.
babebeegurl95 7
Amen! She's just a horny ****.
mikey38654 3
And that would be a good thing. Why are girls so disrespectful to their bodies these days? Used to, the boys were horrible people for trying to force girls into sex. How is it that now we are bad for running away, especially outside the parameter of marriage?
Capt_Oblivious 10
Sex or food? With some guys it's a toss up. Now, sex AND food......
lacrosseplaya 13
Heaven
rgriff27 19
Would be amazing, not just for guys.
schnitzel123 11
What the hell lol