Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me, "Don't worry, it's not yours." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that my ex is pregnant, but not to worry because it’s not mine. That’s how I inadvertently told her I’ve been cheating on her with my ex. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she didn't know we were actually dating. FML
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Top comments
adelaide_evening 0
Maybe she's a surrogate mother and forgot to tell you?
theshewolf 0
Ultrasounds can be used for things other than pregnancy.
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Comments (151)
Xodus_LT 0
Ouch thats rough buddy.
alex_vik 1
#89 also probably gets bitchy when someone says "Falcon Punch".
nodbor 11
and you still call her your girlfriend?
humpty_dumpty_fml 0
dude she might have said that because she had to make an ultrasound anyways for any medical reason, and grabbed the chance to joke with it and see the dead rabbit look on your face. i can perfectly see the joke in it, but that's just my optimistic side :D
Curtieeeez 0
If she's pregnant, DUMP THAT *****. But she could not be. I'm male/15, and I had an ultrasound of my tumour. Ya, males get ultrasounds too >: D FYL though.
youaresofucked 0
If she says "IT ISN'T YOURS" that probably means she not just getting an ultrasound for ******* kidney stones ..
Zic_fml 7
If you've been dating for quite a long time, then I'd suggest you get rid of that **** as fast as you can. Better hope she was joking!
tipple 0
#95 She could have meant, jokingly, "The kidney stone wasn't fathered by you." You know, comedy. Speaking about one thing as if it is another. She could also have meant it sarcastically - in response to his "confused look". Maybe she had been talking to him the the previous 5 minutes about her kidney stone, or fibroid, or whatever, and how much it was hurting. Then (possibly after some interruption) she says: "I'm getting an ultrasound tomorrow". BF makes the connection: "ultrasound -> pregnant" and looks confused. GF says sarcastically "Don't worry, it's not yours."
EZGAL 0
**** her, shes a *****!
xxyumtasticxx 0
#97 is right. but it's still ******* funny.