Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
afropuffjake 9
Go find the girl who has a fully grown boyfriend making dinosaur noises... And then two perfect matches!!
Akerra89 14
Well stop thinking about sex so much and concentrate on your relationship.
Transform 3
Meow.
interestingman 0
Bark
SwaggCapone 11
Have sex doggy style and start panting heavily
JBMcC 7
That's a pretty cool girlfriend if you ask me.
EpicFail1520 16
If she wants to speak in animal noises, she's too young for you bro.
Quikraptor 8
FYL OP. And don't mind the morons here telling you to stop being "one horny motherclucker." Neckbeards don't often know how a relationship works.
KiddNYC1O 22
Heeee haaaawww.
nickolascronk 3
You should RUN.
StrangeDuckling 9
That's actually really cool on her part! On your's, not so much...