Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
ecks51 3
Did you tell her "neigh" and "don't let the barn door hit you on the way out"?
GuitarzanNation 0
So develop your own complex dialect ^_^ I'm sure it make you both feel accomplished
onelove858 5
"look away we're about to start making animal noises"
Sizzle91 0
Dude go with it! It is obvious she is in to you. Trust me keeping the romance spicy is a good thing. Women are more mature then we are for the most part, and do get board faster then we do. So get crack'en Tiger..
Anita1023632 3
Your girlfriend is definitely a loser than...
linkinpark98 24
Than what? I MUST KNOW DAMMIT!
Sienna420 4
*then ;D
Kiki242 19
Maybe she can make those noises while you guys are having sex.
whostolemylama 12
This will be useful. What if you were kidnapped and had to tell her. Maybe a simple Grr could save your life!
Bluekaren16 19
Mating calls
AznSamoan52 10
You may not know it now, but that secret language could help you in the future. You have a smart girlfriend, Op. Listen to her. :)
shutyourmouth12Z 7
Is that all guys want nowadays? Just to have sex with their girlfriend? What's wrong with learning something new. Doesn't hurt try right