Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
rhealistic 1
Rawr means i love you in dinosaur language.
boxbrandon11 20
Maybe she wants to prepare you for the sex noises she makes
drunkandfml 11
5- Have you ever seen the Jurassic films? Rawr means run for your life bitch
Blackmail111 9
Oh how original! Using 9GAG memes.
Drigr 9
Oh how original! Being a douche over the internet!
Drigr 9
Great... I look like a douche now cause the "Oh how original! using a 9gag meme" comment was removed/changed...
TormundGiantBane 3
I found pounding my chest and hooting like a gorilla works well.
nado13579 12
5- Haven't you seen Jurassic Park? It means "I'm going to ******* EAT you!!"
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Meow means "GET ON YOUR KNEES, BITCH!"
Blackmail111 9
I'm not being a douche on the internet. Using 9GAG memes for comments is just stupid and unoriginal.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What? Dafuq is 9 gag?
BeachBoi_Alex 7
OP tell her you wanna do it doggy-style ;)
uberdubers 3
107 - OP could bark to tell her that!
SquishFish 15
51-i looked at your profile and then read the comment in a squeaky voice xD haha "brohoof" Filly forever!
janelleloves1D 0
Do you like 1D too?
qazxfhhfyubchk 5
I secretly want to have sex with the guy in your profile picture.
animal50199 10
I LOVE YOUR PROFILE!
nado13579 12
Crap, didn't notice 13's comment when I wrote mine. I just commented right when I saw 5's. Didn't mean to copy 13. :p
mbusey 20
124 - I not so secretly want to have sex with him
Amarve 4
At least she's different.. Maybe you could have some fun with this too..
MCRaddict15 15
Right? It could help in awkward situations, when OP has to meet the parents, and when you want to leave a public event and not let anyone hear.
BAND_HAMMER 0
NIGGERS!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
46) Excuse me, bitch?
Drigr 9
Well... we all know 46 is gonna get moderated.
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah. It the animal noise thing could sound weird. Why doesn't OP and his girlfriend just learn clingon and be done with it. You only have to worry about people speaking that at comicon
downtime 13
Agree 2, this essentially says "Today, my girlfriend didn't want to **** me when I was expecting her to. FML"...You don't deserve this OP, she sounds like an interesting person and all you're looking for is a blow up doll. FYL for being in a relationship with a real person.
brill33 7
I'm sorry, but op's girl is wierd as hell
daisiebud 18
The animal noises are weird, but I've always thought a secret language would be fun. Though, really, they should just try french or something -__-
drunkandfml 11
Use it when you want to have sex
icrest80 4
Ya like you could bark when you want to go doggy style
l23VIVE 17
And Neigh for cowgirl
Docbee 11
Now you have your own special safety word, in a new language.
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
TrueTriage 16
Well said my good man
trippythehippy 6
Ty
TwentyFourXXIV 13
I like your green stop sign :3
astoryofroses 9
unique. I like her!
fernclogger 5
What would you call the language? Beast?
xXxIracebethxXx 14
**********? ;o
Meettitan 14
Whoa whoa whoa who said anything about.....
SqueakyChipmunk 22
This is the reason I'm still a virgin. Every time I come on to a guy, they're like, "Sorry, I can't **** a chipmunk! it's **********!" I'm going to start taking them by force. Chipmunk force.
alliewillie 22
Sounds like you need to give the whole chipmunk persona a rest. It's not working out.
KommanderKush420 5
57- Im sure thats why
ThisIsJoee 4
Not sure if kinky, or just plain weird
igive 29
Or if she's twelve D:
jake3292 5
It's a combination of both
99megster 15
78- your picture is disturbing O.o
hockeyoceancity 13
82- Yours is.. cute?
AbbyAbyss 5
Your girlfriend sounds awesome! Go along with it, secret languages are cool.
MindFreakazoid 10
Woof woof meow glub neigh.
AbbyAbyss 5
49- Couldn't have said it better. Oink moo arf!
jake3292 5
#49 how dare you insult my mother like that
karmicsamadi86 9
What animal goes glub?
jake3292 5
A fish
MindFreakazoid 10
85- You're a busy student (says your bio) but you don't know animal sounds? That's interesting.
GawdamitNappa 4
97- I know, right? I mean, who hasn't taken animal noises 101? Gosh, these people are so uneducated. -_- (for those of you who don't know, this was sarcasm)
Slai_fml 3
The sound of a puppy begging should be the booty call.