How does that happen?

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

Slasher

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML

Out of control

Today, I accidentally stuck my thumb into my eye and scratched myself just under my eyebrow. I don't know why my hand was anywhere near my eye. FML

Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML

Pincushion

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

Glassed

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML