Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
gemsweater 4
This is not a fml. She seems awesome!
uhnevermind 24
YDI for not seeing how awesome your girlfriend is.
Locoluis 15
Agreed. The OP seems to care about nothing but sex, and thus unable to stand himself to the intellectual level of his GF.
Quikraptor 8
... That is far from intellectual. That is absolutely retarded. I love a good time, and love playing the dumb card, or trolling. But come on, really? Not only will it make you look and sound like a bloody idiot, but it will probably make people avoid you. Also, you know nothing about OP. It could be he was just in the mood. Moron.
Locoluis 15
You don't get it either. Whatever. We cloudcuckoolanders never get any respect from muggles like you.
SluggerJ 7
How old is she? 15?
eruu 0
Sounds like a keeper
mowmowlife 21
You can snort, oink and squeal when you guys are going at it XD
deransc 19
Don't depend on the gf to come up with new things to do in the bedroom - just do them.
ahabsfan 17
Bark like a dog and see if she turns around for doggy style. Saves you from begging.
Eiregal2 10
I made up my own language sometime back in October when I worked in a horror house.I was dressed up like the dummy from saw and decided my character,who is named Daisy,should have a very strange language.remember in the Santa clause movies hoe the reindeer spoke to Santa? ya that's her voice. I worked as this four hours each day for a month,in the end everyone understood Daisy talk lol
SimplyEerb 3
Secret languages will become important during the zombie apocalypse so...
TheJester12 15
ask her for sex in the secret language , clearly the rose and chocolate combo wasn't enough. She is testing just how far you'll go to get it in. Bark twice for a blumpkin ;)