Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
pexy_fml 16
She like 12 or something ?
unknown_user5566 27
If OP's first thought way "ooh, we get to spice up our sex life!", I hope with every fiber in my body that she is NOT 12.
StayClassyLassy 6
Op's name sounds like he would be 12.
stealman 3
Ha! Now u can talk dirty with her while u having dinner with her parents
pmadNess 16
And then they have her committed before dessert!?!
jennabookickbutt 3
Bark bark meow ;)
perdix 31
Tell her to bend over and squeal like a piggy.
unknown_user5566 27
That's right OP, she wants you to bark orders at her. Surely it will end with both of you purring like cats. ;)
perdix 31
They could imitate camel sounds and then begin humping. Dolphin clicks could suggest using the blowhole. I could practically write the Rosetta Stone course for this couple!
hahasooo 2
Typical men, thinking about sex right away. haha!
linkinpark98 24
I like the way your girlfriend thinks. I should try this too! :D *tries to purr like a cat*
linkinpark98 24
Are you and number 56 currently talking in said made-up language? Come on guys! I wanna know!
StaminPrimer 0
perhaps its her idea of foreplay. I mean shit, whine like a puppy and do it till she figures out what it means. If she can`t then she is a stupid bitch
iHeartRKO 5
I guess this only happens in Wisconsin.. I know cause I live here too..
perdix 31
Ya, hey! Me, too! Since it's America's Dairyland, he'd probably feed her a line of cheesy bullshit and she'd become udderly horny!
outoftown 27
I hope so, 71. Really hope so.
Elliot_Holland 1
I will take your girlfriend if she's too big of a problem.