Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
kumonsucks 7
Hmm I wonder if you go to zoo...
Adr1an 0
Thts not bad! It's cute xP plus now when ur at dinner she can ask "do u have condoms for afterwards?"
kait314 6
ROAR!!!! Lol have fun talking in animal noises...she would be my ex girlfriend..
sseven 5
I like your girlfriend
iamsami24 5
So what language did you guys come up with?
MikeMarine_ 2
I'll say this calmly.. GET THE **** OUTTA THERE BRO
dlcj22 11
Omg don't even know what to say except for weirdo
blue2012 7
It's creative bt yet still a lil creepy. Plus it's only good for sex & when ur in danger
interestingman 0
Do what ever she wants and you will get what u want
HeartOfLead 24
"Woof, Woof, Woof Woof, Woof, Woof Woof , Woof Woof Woof Woof, Woof Woof" - "Hi!"