Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
mbusey 20
That's cool! Now you can tell her secretly when you want sex
trippythehippy 6
Tell her you want to RAWR her meow
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Comments (160)
insertnameherr 11
Your girlfriend's awesome.
akallaan 7
Learn how to ask for sex in that made up language. Win win.
doglover569 0
Okay now that is kind of disturbing.. Could make for some kinky sex though if you ever get there ;)
doglover569 0
Just realized I am number 16 and I turned 16 today!! Haha
MrsPegg 45
Well Happy Sweet 16, #16!
mrsquiggles6900 5
Fetch? No. That word is not in...
jordantiner 0
Eeek.. You need to rethink who you're interested in bro..
hockeyoceancity 13
Or maybe you should expand your taste in girls?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
My boyfriend and I took an "Elvish 101" class to learn Tolkien's language... No, not really. But I wish ;)
Sinamoi 18
I'm more partial to Dwarven myself. Nothing like the language of short, heavily bearded men to make you feel alive in the bedroom.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
"The Dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark..." Thought this was relevant XD
Sinamoi 18
Oh God the mental images.
ItsTheKing 10
Imagine speaking this language in public. You would seem like you're insane and/or watching too much Animal Planet. But that's worth them not understanding what you're saying right?
ryggsekk 8
that's... really sad :(
anarchistpunk 3
No it's not. I'd personally rather do something cool like that with my girlfriend before having sex. It can show you're comfortable with each other. OP has nothing to complain about.
xmaximusx 12
Get out while u still can
BryanThaMan 14
Time to ditch crazy lady... plenty of other normal fish in the sea!
jazziness 12
Normal is boring!!
xmaximusx 12
In bed maybe but it does wonders for your mental health and financial wellbeing
SqueakyChipmunk 22
**** normal fish!
Vturiello27 0
Normal is like sex with your own mom
animal50199 10
Have you ever been out in the real world? No one is normal! No matter how much you think your normal it just proves that your more insane and that your lying to yourself!
Leslier_fml 4
Maybe this is her secret way to let you know you need to take her out more.