Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend said she hates my feet and it’s a real turn off. It’s got to the point where if she sees my feet in bed she won’t sleep in the same bed as me. I hate wearing socks in bed, so not sure how we can resolve this. FML
Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed, asking, "Is that your feet?" I'd forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML
Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
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Top comments
Econforthwin 15
Well that is disgusting whether you hate feet or not.
dubb420 15
defeeted the whole purpose.
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Comments (141)
ChibiChibi_fml 28
See comments above yours for examples of why someone may ask for someone else's help tying their shoes. It's not always a maturity issue. In some cases it's the convenience of who has their hands free or who's more capable of bending over/kneeling down at the time without issue.
vikky538 29
OP must have a really bad experiencenof smelly and gross feet...
A_Krissy_Kriss 3
knowing she did that out of spite is enough reason to leave. that just shows what little consideration she has for you.
minagiv 11
How about "You're an adult and can tie your own damn shoes?"
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Yes an adult can tie their own shoes. However, for example, if you're carrying two armloads of stuff (groceries, books, children, whatever..) and your significant other is carrying nothing, which is easier A) you completely unloading your arms then bending down and tying your shoe or B) them tying your shoe for you so that you don't have to unload and reload your arms or juggle whose holding stuff? It's entirely possible that the OP and his girlfriend had been in such situations before and she finally decided to ask why he always makes her go the more complicated and time consuming route rather than just helping her out. Her putting her foot in his mouth was horrible. Her reasons for asking him to tie her shoe may have been perfectly reasonable.
juturnaamo 29
Why would a couple be out together and only one of them carrying the bags?
ChibiChibi_fml 28
They are all things she purchased and have nothing to do with anything he wants. I don't ask my boyfriend to carry my purchases unless I absolutely can not carry them all on my own. He has offered to carry stuff for me but, if I'm able, I really don't see the point of him carrying stuff that is not his. The fact that only one person may choose to buy something does not generally dissuade them from going out together.
ChildrenOfFilth 12
She must've really wanted you to suck her toes.
inowhtthefoxsays 20
Good for her. You go girl.
laden_swallow09 35
How?
bearin 9
What the hell how could you hate feet?
skittyskatbrat 19
I hope you bit them....
Guru_Gal 12
Why should OP tie her shoes anyway? Can't she do it herself?
ChefEPL 9
Dude, your girlfriend has a foot fetish, this is nut a match made in heaven.