Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend said she hates my feet and it’s a real turn off. It’s got to the point where if she sees my feet in bed she won’t sleep in the same bed as me. I hate wearing socks in bed, so not sure how we can resolve this. FML
Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed, asking, "Is that your feet?" I'd forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML
Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
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Top comments
Econforthwin 15
Well that is disgusting whether you hate feet or not.
dubb420 15
defeeted the whole purpose.
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Comments (141)
Econforthwin 15
Well that is disgusting whether you hate feet or not.
dubb420 15
defeeted the whole purpose.
ejthegreat 5
Feetality
Murilirum 23
She's definitely a keeper though.
Dean_N 15
He should've slept in the feetal position
amadeclton 27
#80, that wouldn't necessarily have kept her feet out of his mouth.
Queen_of_Night 20
That was Toetally inappropriate.
beastseclipse 9
93, he was making another feet joke
larrena2377 26
It sounds like there is trouble afoot in their relationship
jerryj 27
Maybe she was just trying to put her best foot forward.
sarah5745 41
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, I guess you asked for it.. Jk that's pretty disgusting
okpfakpapk 14
Seems like you really put her foot in your mouth by telling her.
Arrow26 4
Open mouth, insert foot?
tossaway2321 5
Next time she takes a nap, put some spiders in her mouth I'm sure she hates spiders just as much as you hate feet
man_in_black08 28
why would she expect you to tie her shoe lace anyway? I dont get it. I mean my 3 yr old nephew expects that.
Exodiafinder687 58
Maybe OP's girlfriend is very fat and can't reach her feet.
jackycat 17
My husbands highschool girlfriend used to whine at him to tie her shoes for her. Like stop our entire group in the middle of the mall to whine at him until he'd do it. She'd do it to me too when he wasn't around to badger. Some girls really hate tying their shoes apparently.
YepThatsMeee 23
Your husband's ex-girlfriend asks you to tie her shoes? Interesting relationship...
man_in_black08 28
Lol'd
juturnaamo 29
Maybe she's one of those girls who wears ridiculous fake nails.
TanzWolf 26
My boyfriend is 18 and his parents never taught him to properly tie a shoe. At that age I feel like you're just incapable of learning differently because despite my best efforts he won't do any differently. And wonders why he trips and falls all the time...
MercyFrag 22
#72 - He's just being lazy at that point, unless he has some type of learning disability.. Having your shoe laces tied can be a twisted show of dominance, which it sounds like that's what the OP's girlfriend is doing. Unless she's pregnant or otherwise incapacitated, lol.
YepThatsMeee 23
#72 - incapable of learning at 18? Guess he's not considering college then...
jackycat 17
#41 I met him through her. She and I were friends in high school. So, we knew each other through their prior relationship and reconnected a few years after high school.
thesmeagol 22
72, christmas gift idea, get him velcro shoes!
LostInTheZone11 29
Consider becoming a stomach sleeper.
americanafrican 32
I bet it tasted wonderful!
davisjenny81 30
How do you tie your own shoes and put socks on if you hate feet so much?
Chilupa 28
Personally I can't stand other people's feet but I don't mind mine.
YepThatsMeee 23
How about we all get together and buy OP an axe for Christmas so he can chop his feet off if he hates them so much.
littleteapot 21
I'll donate the morphine!
SkyGuy32 17
#36, Same. My brothers are complete JACKASSES about it too, and try to rub their gross ass feet on me because of it occasionally.
JazNim17 18
I asked a friend of mine the same thing once. He said he can manage to put socks on without touching his actual foot. Oh, and he wraps a washcloth completely around his hand when he washes his feet, so that he doesn't actually touch them.