Today, I texted my partner that I was “on my way.” I then sat on the couch doomscrolling for another 25 minutes. When I finally left, I ran into him in the parking lot, holding groceries, staring at me like I’d just lied for the fun of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my husband making out with another woman in our couch. When I gave him the mother of all verbal lashings, he asked me, “Oh, you didn’t get my text?” The fucker actually announced he wanted a divorce over text message. He was serious. FML
Today, I cleaned my room, which I’d been putting off for ages. Halfway through, I sat down “just for a second” to check my phone. Two hours later, I was still scrolling, surrounded by half-sorted piles of stuff. When my roommate walked in and asked if I was reorganizing or giving up, I didn’t know. FML
Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway between our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking, eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML
Today, I found my boyfriend playing games when we have 5 million things to do, but the bastard picked me up, put me in the hall, shut the door in my face, and barricaded it with the sofa. I texted him, threatening to break up unless he opened the door; he texted back to leave my key behind when I left. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my partner by leaving a love letter on his car's windshield while he was at work. He texted me later saying, “You know you left that on my coworker’s car, right?” Now some stranger thinks I want to “snuggle forever.” FML
Today, some guy I’ve been talking to showed up at my house while I was on video call with my boyfriend. I had to confess to a stupid situation I had no business being in. FML
Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said, "Turn around." It was her. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Petit Etre Malfaisant 23
I'm not an addict baby, that's a lie
DLBL 23
On my way means you're in your vehicle, ready to start it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
Petit Etre Malfaisant 23
I'm not an addict baby, that's a lie
DLBL 23
On my way means you're in your vehicle, ready to start it.
JasonThorn 23
Jeez, I never thought I'd "meet" someone who had no respect for their partner.
juuuliaaa_fml 28
You did lie for the fun of it tho..