Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend said she hates my feet and it’s a real turn off. It’s got to the point where if she sees my feet in bed she won’t sleep in the same bed as me. I hate wearing socks in bed, so not sure how we can resolve this. FML
Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed, asking, "Is that your feet?" I'd forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML
Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
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Top comments
Econforthwin 15
Well that is disgusting whether you hate feet or not.
dubb420 15
defeeted the whole purpose.
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Comments (141)
SAspring 17
Some people would pay good money for that!
ZoroMiHawk 25
Why does your gf need you to tie her shoes? Are you her boyfriend or her servant?
YepThatsMeee 23
Is there a difference?
mrmcleod 29
I feel ya bud. I made the mistake of telling a coworker I had a deep fear of snakes. I was terrorized with a rubber snake for weeks.
skittyskatbrat 19
#27, get the annoy-a-tron from thinkgeek for that coworker...
mrmcleod 29
#27 I'm going to look into that.
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
That's so dirty.
xrudeboyrock 29
literally, what the hell.
askingandy 23
You guys need to chill. I ask my boyfriend to tie my shoes some times. It's not bitchy or demanding, it's a simple request. But putting her feet in your mouth is definitely bitchy.
horneyhic 15
Why would you ask that? Are you incapable? This is not "zip me up" or "can you put this necklace on?" This is like "can you put my pants on for me? It's just basic dressing yourself unless you have a handycap it seems like a bitchy thing to ask
DoubleDosexo 12
what about when you/she is pregnant? honestly, little things like that are really sweet and cute. if you can't tie somebody's shoes for them sometimes, it's not "meant to be." And about the hatred, fear, whatever of feet. He's not touching or looking at her feet, there's a shoe and sock barrier. asking someone to tie your shoes is like asking someone to have sex with you or give you oral/finger you/a "hand job." you can get yourself off, so why should they? that'd be just as bitchy as this. but it's not.
sturschaedel 27
I have asked my hubby to tie my shoes for me on occasion. For example when I was carrying our sleeping baby in a wrap and couldn't bend over without waking him. Other than that? Nope.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I don't ask my boyfriend to tie my shoes for me because I know he dislikes feet but I can think of a few reasons why someone might. Just one possible example, the two of them are out at the mall together. She is carrying five bags of clothing she just purchased on the trip, a latte from Gloria Jeans, and her purse. He is carrying nothing. Her shoe comes untied as they are walking back to the car. Rather than stop, set all of her bags and her drink down on the ground in order to free up her hands to tie her shoe so she doesn't trip, she asks him to do it since his hands are already empty. A perfectly reasonable reason to ask someone else to do it if they are willing. I'm not saying that is why the OP's girlfriend has asked him to tie her shoes, but it is an example of why a physically capable person may ask someone else to tie their shoes. I've tied a couple of my male coworkers shoes for essentially this reason before. Also it's not bitchy to politely request someone to do something for you, it's only bitchy if you Demand they do it or get mad when they refuse your request.
dragoongirl90 34
That's a ******* dump-able offence. She' be lucky if all I dod was dump her instead of cutting her feet off and slowly torture her to death with her own feet.
marcranger 29
Easy, tiger.
dragoongirl90 34
My ex-husband knew I hated feet and he walked into the bathroom with sh!t all over the tiles and came in and woke me up by putting his foot on my face. It was all I could do not to break his ankle. Especially since he beat me constantly.
marcranger 29
Well, that's a different story, and it's a good thing he's your ex. If OP's girlfriend is abusive in other ways, though, he might not consider this particular offense FML worthy in comparison.
vlalam 24
she is a keeper... lol
PimpNasty16 13
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ?? deep hatred of feet? Really? Petty
kalbrek009 20
That really sucks OP. Why do you hate feet so much & how do you deal with your own feet (washing, putting on socks & shoes) if you have such a "deep hatred of feet"?
heyLaddieHey 18
OP has lived with his own feet his entire life. It's like a 6'5" person being afraid of heights. Yeah, they're already really tall, but they're used to their own distance to the ground.