Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML
Time is money
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML
Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML
Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend a long, heartfelt message this morning. Her response? "What do you need? Or is this even really you?" FML
Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
Top comments
ycrem0n 21
Proof that guys aren't always the animals starving for sex
dominic1221 6
You're an illiterate moron, aren't you? Maybe you should spend less time jacking off in English class, kid.
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Comments (175)
kshafer08 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your a virgin aren't you.....
dominic1221 6
You're an illiterate moron, aren't you? Maybe you should spend less time jacking off in English class, kid.
Sandsh8rk 36
^Win.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Maybe OP's girlfriend is one of those sex-crazed women who ties him up and rapes him 15 times a day.
Discombobulated9 12
#64 I agree with you. I think OP's girlfriend has a seriously high sex drive and poor OP needs a rest. I also don't understand why everyone is thumbing him down. Just because he's a guy he always needs to stick it in a girl if she's willing to spread her legsto him?
spekledworf 18
Beginning to think OP is my boyfriend... he turned down sex last night and we're from MA :O
prepayedtank 0
64 that doesn't sound too bad, like angry or rough sex but you don't gotta do **** all, she does all the work lol
copy125 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
One word that describes you OP GAAAAAAAAY you clearly aren't interested in women even though you have a girlfriend to cover that up
THE_A_TEEN 28
^Moron
THE_A_TEEN 28
No seriously, because one guy turns down sex, they're now considered a homosexual? Once again, you are a ******* moron
shanemaximo 7
It really is possible for guys not to be in the mood for sex. I believe the experts refer to this as "sleeping."
ubetrwatchBN 5
Sometimes you just want a sammich.
gibbyguppy 0
I think he might be joking guys, give it a rest
xoconnie 8
wait why didnt u just wanna do it
failmaster069 7
That.. Would be awesome!
failmaster069 7
Did you say " what are you a girl" if not the stfu lol
MCRmyGeneral 9
One can only hope! Man, I gotta get me one of them sex-crazed girlfriends!
BostonBruins2012 0
104-What part of Mass? I'm from northeast Mass
kshafer08 7
I like that 238 people hate this lol. I do feel sorry for you op
moonsxstars 6
Wtf.. If a girl want to have sex and the guy doesn't, that makes him less manly.... If the guy wants to have sex and the girl doesn't that make him a horny dog... No one wins
CanadianPenguin 0
I'm pretty sure most girlfriends would rather communicate with their boyfriend instead of constantly having pointless sex, and not wanting to have sex with a girl doesn't make a guy less of a man, I honestly thinks it takes more of a man to be able to have a meaningful conversation with his girlfriend. Soooo yeah.
Sundevil99 10
#14 Your profile pic makes your comment all the better! xD
ycrem0n 21
Proof that guys aren't always the animals starving for sex
MoodyBlue320 11
I actually find it sweet on his part. Doesn't make him gay or cheating.
bigmackin35 0
Quality time is important now but sex is too wat a conundrum
ghostlilac 25
46 - They're not mutually exclusive. Sex can be quality time together too.
Awahso 25
You can spell conundrum, but not "what"?
ElricMustang 23
37- That is the most awesome picture I have ever seen...I need a copy xD
bigmackin35 0
More used to text words there an issue with that
DocBastard 40
bigmackin35 - Yes, there's an issue with that. The site posting rules explicitly state that txt language is forbidden. You would have noticed that had you bothered to read them. Yes, FORBIDDEN. That sounds like you have an issue to fix, friend. And while you're fixing that, try some punctuation while you're at it. Using it makes you sound much less illiterate.
Yodaevil 4
Sex is spending quality time with your girlfriend. It should be the only person your doing it with. Just hanging can be done with your bros. man up and put out!
j_cat187 20
I find it ironic that fml originated as a txt word yet we can we can't txt on the site.
mango260 9
More like an acryom :)
xFluttershy 7
Hey Alan:)
ArmyxWife 5
Hahahahahahaha.
shellz102 12
Soooo, who's the man in this relationship?
ThisIsMyReign 4
Try as you might FML team. Still started from text first yet, you forbid what created FML. That's like moving out and making a rule that no one can talk to their moms.
icrest80 4
Is 'txt' considered text language?
Sirin_fml 47
@165: First causes aren't always good things. For example, in my house, I've forbidden people from screening the video of Alan being conceived. That is the way it will stay, because it's my house, and his parents are horrifyingly unattractive. No offence, Alan.
Wdgames 0
Uh... Why do you even have such a film? To be honest, I'm slightly scared.
dragonstrike94 8
Fml dude is winning
downtime 13
I voted YDI for the way in which he said it. He might as well have said "Can't we just snuggle?". You don't have to always be in the mood but you don't have to be a little whiny bitch about it either.
cmanaus 3
Your pic is a course in ft Myers, huh?
BostonBruins2012 0
Alan-My dad was born exactly 4 days before you. 198-Can I see? Joking.
Ro53 3
Agreed
Ro53 3
Well it is encouraging us to actually try to sound like intelligent human beings. Sorry if that's not your style. I personally find it refreshing.
TheHaHaNoGuy 5
I find it quite amusing that Alan is from the FML team, but the FML he posted was still rejected. Still, nice to see the team are actively taking part in their site.
C94_ 0
Can I have her?
Heinousness 0
I didn't know the FML team could post. Now, I feel like a total dumbass.
CharlieS0ul 0
LOL you go girl :b
CharlieS0ul 0
Hahahaha I'm sorry but that's funny... Sorry Alan
TallMist 32
Haha, Sirin, you are awesome!
Airman1988 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Obviously not the response she wanted based on her text, grow a pair and satisfy her needs
yahoowizard 16
Not something you would say if the roles switched, would you now
TheDrudgeChild 4
These double standards are pathetic.
FajitaFreak 3
The hell? If a guy says this to a girl, and she says she's not in the mood, or just wants to spend quality time with him, no one would complain, no one would insult the girl telling her it's her responsibility to do it. Not every man has a sky high sex drive, and there's nothing wrong with that. OP, don't let these hypocritical fools bring you down. If your girlfriend doesn't understand you want more than to just ****, leave her and find someone that does understand you, or you'll be unhappy in the future.
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
We obviously know who's the man in this relationship.
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
metaphorically speaking not penis wise
daltonromanowski 11
@79: If a girl refused to ~put out~, she'd get called an ice queen, frigid bitch, prude ****, etc. This really shouldn't be about gender, it should be about people respecting others' spaces. If somebody doesn't want to have sex, regardless of their gender, then that should be respected. Unfortunately, both men and women have shade thrown at them whenever they don't put out for somebody else. So I would disagree that women are respected when they refuse to have sex, because in this society that's empirically untrue. But I do agree that it's not right to force or coerce people into something intimate.
downtime 13
216, Correct, women do get labelled if they refuse sex...regularly. Not in once off instances, unless by strangers - in which case, who listens to them anyway? However to extend on your comment, while someones choice not to engage in sex should be respected, so should the choice of the other individual. If they aren't happy with this arrangement they shouldn't be judged for choosing to move on, sadly however they are. Nobody is free of judgement sadly, when it comes to adult relationships there are few people who don't behave like small children.
daltonromanowski 11
Nobody should be disrespected for their sexual choices, provided they're responsible. But if someone wants to have sex and the person they're courting doesn't, then sex should not be happening. If it's a recurring problem then the person who desires sex should leave on account of there being an irreconcilable difference in values, provided it's that big a deal to them. That, or they can just make use of their hands until both parties consent to sex. But I don't think there should be an equal consideration of desires when it comes to whether or not sex is gonna happen. Just because somebody wants sex doesn't mean the other party should feel obligated to consider. Consent is cardinal, so again, I think the best choice in a predicament like that is to either hold off until consent is achieved or just find somebody more suited to your sexual appetite or what have you.
RavenRiley007 4
Well we know who's the man in this relationship!
SaintComet 3
I'd leave her... Or friend zone her... Or both... Having a heart is more rare than having a dick, since she just wants a dick then... She should have to Find someone else.
CharlieS0ul 0
Oh my god. A sex hungry girl. That's different. A girl flat out saying "f*ck me" LOL
1thatonedude1 15
he has his own needs, why are hers more important?
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Close one, she almost found out you are gay or cheating (or both.) Sorry, dude, live with the double-standard. If a guy turns down sex, the alarms go haywire!
Halti 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
legend
arealwarrior 0
^ kiss ass
perdix 31
#186. Leave Halti alone. We both enjoy it ;)
BostonBruins2012 0
I thought I was your best friend....... :( ........
gunmania0 12
I know man, sometimes you think, "I just can't be ******!" (pun not intended)
ladyLALAA 29
I have never known a guy to not be bothered to have sex. Nor have I had a boyfriend that would ever let me just not, haha, that is plain lazy!
Guren 0
Yeah but if a girl said no and the bf complained things would be different..
gunmania0 12
Sorry 10, I need to clarify my statement. You're right I'm a lazy arsehole who can't be bothered to have sex! You've opened my eyes. A more accurate statement I can make is that sometimes I'm just not in the mood, or I have just had a wank when the girlfriend turns up out of the blue...
MissHayleyJames 7
My husband has a crazy high sex drive but there are nights he's exhausted from work and just wants to lay in bed and watch tv. That doesn't make him lazy. Not everyone wants it every second of every day.
Heinousness 0
What are you, OP's girlfriend, a boy?
music_woman1 11
Just goes to show that guys don't always want one thing
afunnyterdcody 5
Wrong!!!! A guys train of thought wake up in just 5 more minutes, poop, eat, sex, piss eat workout poop eat sex eat poop sex duhh
KawiRacer69 5
i dont poop that much
laden_swallow09 35
Look at his username, 63. He does… need to grow up, or he has a digestive problem
CryMoreFMLs 15
I don't poo when I wake up, nor do I really poo at all. I don't have sex. I don't workout. Your entire comment has just been train ****** by my lifestyle.
fthku 13
You don't poo, you say? I guess that makes sense. Wait..
tehaustiebear 34
As best said by the Beatles; And I.. want that one thing. I want to hold your hand.
Hollandiscrazy 12
Doesn't matter spend time together... Wait what the hell?!
p3mguin 7
I see what you did there you snake :)
Mirorbo 27
Apparently, someone isn't a cuddler. Yet another individual who doesn't get that sometimes when you're in the mood, it doesn't mean your partner is. She should respect that rather than making fun of you like an immature child, especially after having been with you for 2 years.
longdislover 0
Guess we all know who the man of the relationship is lol
florido_fml 10
Thumps up for you ^
LSS_fml 18
Well...? Prove her wrong.