Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got fired as a waiter because I refused to serve alcohol to a pregnant woman and she reported me. Turns out she's not pregnant, she's just a fat Karen. FML
Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only four months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, the slow, incompetent kitchen staff was keeping customers waiting for their food for 20 minutes. I got sick of a bunch of grown adults with kids my age ganging up on me, so I quit on the spot, and walked. Some guy grabbed me by the collar and dragged me back to the register. People cheered. FML
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML
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Top comments
CaroAurelia 12
Did you tell him you'd lose some weight in about a month when you GAVE BIRTH?
ILikeBigButts_ 12
What an ass
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Comments (146)
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Damn heretic. Who does he think he is?
ChristianH39 30
I don't think you know what heretic means.
ikariya 20
I would not go against the Astartes. The Emperor protects.
gshocker20 21
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK AGAINST THE CHURCH
BillMurray_fml 12
I like what you're doing #1, but most of the FML community is nowhere near nerdy enough to get a 40k reference. It's pissing in the wind, but have a thumbs up!
Adeptus_Astartes 22
@51 I don't think you know what imperial faith means! The Emperor protects.
Retaheki 27
Emperor brand condoms "The Emperor protects"
ILikeBigButts_ 12
What an ass
illusong 16
Assholes like him should not receive any service at all! I hope that restaurant have that "we have the right to refuse service to anyone" sign
devildog562 33
That's so ****** up. Hopefully all the sodium in his soup will cause his heart to have a myocardial infarction, after he rips you of course.
devildog562 33
Whoa I missed that after I read it twice... My bad for those inner nazis out there . Tips ** not rips .
buckstop1 37
I'm going to assume that by rips, you meant *tips
buckstop1 37
My bad, I didn't update the comments before posting that. Thanks for correcting that.
fortune789 17
"Excuse me sir, I thought you ordered this soup WITHOUT salt."
dolander 10
I would hate to b a waitress
buckstop1 37
I would hate to only speak in text language.
brookiesawr 11
yea why would you want to go home everyday after work with $50-$100 extra plus your hours? damn serving must suck huh? I on the other hand love it
buckstop1 37
My apologies. I did not realize that the only bit of text language was "b", and chances are, it was a typo and you meant to say "be"
dolander 10
Yeah sorry it was a typo, and my sister was a waitress and she hated it, that's why I said that.
HairIsEverything 15
Most waitresses only make about 2-5$ an hour, the tips make it minimum wage. At least that's how it is at most restaurants from what I've heard.
JustinJK 21
#40 - depends where you work. I eat out frequently. I'm a "food snob" (I only eat local, no mass chain restaurants, yadda yadda) and I respect the people who serve my food because they make the experience so much more. Not all of the places I eat are super high end, but I always tip well. A lot of the restaurants I eat at I end up tipping 20 dollars at least and upwards. a lot of my friends parents own restaurants. Me and my friends have all had our share working as waiters. The money can be good.
rockwrench 18
That is a thankless job. I would have dumped his soup down his shirt. By accident of corse ;-)
PokemonLove993 17
I am a waitress and even though the tips are nice the actual pay is terrible so we dont really make as much as you think. it really is a terrible job at times.
chrisbreastr0kr 11
I would've spit in it
TheMalygos 21
I dont think you should go that far
originaljosh 11
I would've shit in it
Jay0501 21
I laughed wayyyy more than I should've ^ haha
addisonrose12 16
Top it off with some dandruff flake cheese ;P lol
cheeeksss 29
Lol #72, that made me laugh and cringe at the same time.
oliveoyle 6
right in front of him, with out an expression on your face at all.
zgomon 10
or 'tripped' and spilt steamy soup all over his face.
rachelthelime_fml 29
Ugh, so rude... Ignore him, OP, and hats off to you for still working during this time! ♥
chocolatefrog28 29
I sincerely hope that bowl of soup "accidentally" fell into his lap after such a comment.
MDoremis 38
I have the same sentiments.
buckstop1 37
So he can have his balls burned off? I agree, I hope it "accidentally" spilt somewhere, but certainly not his lap. Maybe his table. Or head.
buckstop1 37
Who am I kidding... BURN HIS BALLS!!!
lovelyvampire 16
I'm sorry loves, people really suck. good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and soon the bundle of joy!
CaroAurelia 12
Did you tell him you'd lose some weight in about a month when you GAVE BIRTH?
devildog562 33
I've made that mistake once, she just gave birth.... I think a piece of my soul was killed the way she looked at me. I felt bad . Never again. Don't care if I'm in the delivery room, you never ask a girl if she pregnant or comment on her weight
ThatDamHuntress 20
The way to ask people if they are pregnant is to ask if they have kids. Most people will respond No or Yes then add that they are expecting.
devildog562 33
Negative it's a trap! Men , never not ever , ask a woman if she's pregnant. Avoid any situation that could be misconstrued as she looks big or might be pregnant . Just say wow you look like a radiant angel. 8/10 times you won't go wrong. I'm kind of a dick though so I usually just moo a lot. Just playing. Vote me down if you want .
ohSNAPyall 27
That's pretty rude to say even if she weren't pregnant.
devildog562 33
I think that's why I said I'm kind of a dick , and just playing . Although I do moo at one of my close friends . It's a long story and it's because I love her like family .
marigoldcobain 21
#39, I haven't actually tried this before but most women know they're fat. If I asked one if they had kids, they may infer that I think they might be pregnant and get mad at me.
ThatDamHuntress 20
I would have snapped at him that I was pregnant and make him look like dumbass.
Brandi_Faith 34
Agreed. Op I really hope you told him, loudly, that you would walk faster if you weren't creating a child at the same time. I'd love to see the dumb look on his face and the hate on the look of the other customers faces as they all realized what a jerk he was!