Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
mrslewis 16
I wouldve bitch slapped her for that one
neurodoc 1
Kudos to u for being a responsible parent. This deserves punishment for sure. But she wouldn't understand the depth and breadth of her actions until she starts earning and has to pay for her own health insurance.
newburton13 26
Sell her toys and such to pay for it.
SApprentice 34
63- No, OP shouldn't. A five year old has no understanding of money. It would only damage her to have her toys unfairly taken away. A frank discussion about honesty is what the child needs, not cruelty.
JonathanOuwens 1
Your own fault for not having insurance!
darawbs 0
If you have a kid, particularly one you believe when they say they swallowed something dangerous, shouldn't you get insurance? [:
lostredneck 2
Beat the **** out of her and tell if she ever does that shit again u will beat more of her **** out!
donut_gurl 8
YDI for so many reasons. 1. you have no insurance and you have a child. That's not a good plan. 2. Teach your child that its not ok to lie, especially to you. 3. you should be able to tell when your child is lying. 4. why does your child have access to sharp objects like tumb tacks? at 5, you should be watching her at all times if you allow her to use them. she shouldn't have them by herself. I hope you learned your lessons.
selahsmithereens 1
1.Not everyone can afford insurance and also be eligible for financial assistance like Medicaid. 2. Kids will lie even if they're taught not too, especially at five 3. So if the child wasn't lying and the parent shrugged it off as a lie this would be a better idea? 4. Kids get into shit, they pick stuff up and put it in their mouths, it happens. 5. I highly doubt even the most oppressive, smothering parent can watch their kids 24/7. Why are you hating on their parenting and acting like a five year old should know better?
donut_gurl 8
so paying for ER trips is cheaper than insurance? not likely. And yes, children will lie even if taught not to, but you should be able to tell if you child is lying. of course, if you do think they are telling the truth yes, you would take them to the ER thats good. And i work in a daycare, none of the 4-6 year olds would put something like a tack in their mouth. you are thinking of a 2-3 year old. And im not saying watch the child 24/7. im saying when using something dangerous like a tack. why else would they have access to it? my son is 4 and if he found a tack he wouldnt eat it. by that age they should know better.
madrox95 2
Maybe this is why people have health insurance on their children......
donut_gurl 8
since when is it ok to beat a 5 year old? or any child? whats wrong with you? that was meant to be a reply to number 69
lenabeanna 3
We would be finding away for her to be there after I got done beating her s