Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
FML_14u2c 14
At least it was just X-rays and not an MRI or something. Now THAT's expensive. FYL for sure OP. I sense a major grounding...
gxkon 5
medicade is free
yenidewi 11
hahahahahaha ...
l0v3p4in 7
Kids - just like old people - you gotta love 'em.
McWorm 1
That wouldn't have costed me a cent here in Canada eh!
devil_dog_84 2
1-He or she will have a great future in trolling 2-Better safe than sorry
roverster 1
Every child up to 18 can get free or low cost insurance. "The Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) provides free or low-cost health coverage for more than 7 million children up to age 19. CHIP covers U.S. citizens and eligible immigrants." How are you getting her the appropriate vaccines. Unless you are an illegal immigrant, sounds like you need to get on the ball. Maybe your daughter is smarter than you think and was doing a preparedness drill with you
faygo_chick 5
How much would that cost?
minipooper 1
Aren't kids insured until 18
jimsnodgras 1
5 years old or not, I'd be so angry at my daughter if she did that to me. I would make her work it off by doing chores for the next month, and then explain to her that it cost you about a month of work. Then I would see if she would like to tell that "joke" again.