Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
AidenSurvival 7
Dude. That sucks! i feel sorry for you, OP. At least you did the right thing and your heart was in the right place. I wonder how much your hospital bill is?
kemando 22
#canada
monagro 22
Should've gotten insurance... Maybe obligatory insurance doesn't sound so bad now...
Spazz420 7
Guess who's eating a bowl a tacks for dinner...
patrick29 1
Should've had an abortion.... Oh well get insurance!! Or u will get taxed!
mizteri 1
Basically no ice cream or sweets for the rest of her life. And no trips...well unless she gets a's in all her classes maybe a treat. But otherwise. No.
tlnkerbeii10 3
Well, that may as wel have ruined your day
rallen719 3
Ydi for not having insurance
stupidpplsuck 33
really? HOW is it there fault they don't have insurance? Maybe they cant affored it and there jobs doesnt give it to they until thye have worked for them for a certian amount of time. For example, Fredmeyer here doen't give there employs full insurance until they have worked there for i believe 15 years, and the employee still has to pay 15-25 dollars a month. Before te 15 years they cover somethings but not everythiing
ViviMage 40
The child may want attention, this is one way to get it and it's not safe or funny. Get her a therapist at school. Schools have social workers. I assume she's in school.