Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
saIty 17
"Mommy I think there's a monster under my bed!" "There's no mo-OMG IT HAS MY ARM!! HELP! Just kidding the monster only eats liars. Good night."
erique429 1
But then you're lying to your kid... Not the best option.
Zomg_Okay 27
Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy usually work out okay, 75.
IW_RIOT 7
Adoption
crimsonlover4 31
Make it a reality then OP *buys loads of thumbtacks* lol No but seriously glad your child is ok OP.
RooskieDusha 2
Tell her to remember the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf the next time she has a real medical emergency and you just say , "Mmmm hmm, that's nice dear"
deequu 20
I'm wondering why they are open and in your child's reach at that age?
perdix 31
Your kid's sense of humor is kinda *lowers sunglasses* tacky.
crimsonlover4 31
Thumbs up for your tack on this FML
fyreprincess 3
(but it did make me chuckle)
fyreprincess 3
my comment to perdix was truncated. it should have read: *groan* (but it did make me chuckle)
CeltHound 14
Another reason not to have kids....
dirton89 7
Trolling...the youth stages
miyaviichan 27
I vaguely remember pulling a dick move like this when I was five, I told my mother that my grandmother's room (since we all lived together) was on fire, and she freaked the hell out. I didn't learn until years later that she has PTSD after almost dying in an explosion. I feel really bad about it now
Jelbeztok 17
Your mom or grandmother has PTSD?
HeyArnold91 8
Wow, you seem like a good mom. If I would've told my mom I swallowed a tack she would've just said "You'll shit it out eventually"
Kn0wledge123 21
My mom would've slapped me across the head for being stupid, taken me to the ER, then slapped me twice across the head for the stupid prank.