Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I picked out a massive two-inch long ingrown hair on my chin. I called my girlfriend in to take a look. She saw it, shrieked, then fainted, cracking her head on the toilet as she fell. Hello, hospital bill. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
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Top comments
Poland626 0
Bet she was just practicing if you know what I mean ;D
UncleverName_FYL 0
OP can i have your daughter's number when she turns 18?
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Comments (123)
Triple4 0
wow lmao thats epic fail
ichat21 9
hahaha i agree FYL (OP) and thank u 4 not being 1 of those idiots who says "1ST POST!!!"
quics 0
and thank You for being one of those idiots who reply to the first post to get their post seen
ununtitled 0
kinda like what you did?
Sun_Kissed18 25
No, 44 was replying to 35... not trying to get their post shown
Zenma 0
How do you know he just wasn't finding an excuse to get his post up to the top, like I am doing right now even though I don't care?
divineinstrument 2
Ergh what's with everyone? #35 was very obviously replying to #1 because his comment was connected and a direct response to #1's comment. Seriously, I hate it when people reply to the first post for visibility, but it's stupid when everyone who replies to the first post is regarded as doing this. Amazingly, some people do not abuse the reply system.
FarSide 23
If she is entertaining the idea of fisting, she is doing it wrong.
isaiaha11 2
now replace fist with penis
Guren 0
she was practicing, she"ll make some drop out very happy one day
megs8907 0
ooh....bummer
CaptainStew 0
fail
bgukusa00 0
i can never fit my fist in my mouth thaz so not fair
themindfreak08 0
i agree with Triple4. That really sucks!!!!
ohhsnapp 0
lol. fail.
Poland626 0
Bet she was just practicing if you know what I mean ;D
gorguz14evar 0
Yes we know lol.
Fml37 0
Hahaha that sucks Btw if u lived in Canada there's free health care
XOfiestypixie 0
actually it's not free, we pay for it through our taxes. The governments just trying to trick us ;)
Fml37 0
True, but at least we don't have to pay on the spot. If you were to break down what we pay in our taxes, it's definitely a lot cheaper than what the US pays.
divineinstrument 2
Not really. We have a free health care system too in the UK, and it would be cheaper to get health insurance than to pay our share of taxes to pay for this. But regardless, I still hate the American healthcare system. It's evil.
musu_fml 0
No, it wouldn't. Everything I've seen puts the cost-per-head for healthcare lower here in the UK as it is in the US, and we have a (slightly) longer life expectency, (slightly) lower infant mortality rate, and (slightly) better performance in most diseases/cancers, etc. It's a TERRIBLY unreliable source, but nationmaster puts expenditure per capita (private and public funding combined) at $2,899.7 per person in the UK (I can confirm this; the current NHS budget is £90 billion a year. Divided by 60 million people aprox in the UK, that works out to £1500 per person per year, which is roughly $3k), and $6,096.2 per person in the USA From the same source, "healthy" life expectency in the UK is 69.6 years, and in the USA it's 67.6 years. Life expectency at birth: 78.85 years UK. 78.14 years USA. So we pay $3196.5 less per year each than Americans do, but live a smidgen longer, and spend an extra two years of our life in good health than Americans do. So really, whose system is better?
chocogatto12 3
No one is debating whose system is better (if you can read). but thank you for the long post about essentially meaningless numbers. and I call **** on the OPs daughter.
gDwane 0
lmao shut up (^) ***** above me. he had a valid point nd it was very informative. so shut up...
shinshoku13 19
Who u calling a **** u *****? You better check youre self out honey before you start throwing insults that apply to you at others
ama17 0
I was worried you were going to say it was stuck in a different location...THAT would have been embarrassing
shamille 5
at least it was your daughter not your husband
UncleverName_FYL 0
OP can i have your daughter's number when she turns 18?
Crimson_regret 0
I moderated this one, I knew what you felt my cousin did the same thing.