Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
peteyfas 8
Kids say the damnedest things
LordVader789 3
Teach that kid some manners
kingbling11 12
Sue.
JustKittyKat 24
Sue the child? You, sir, are a genius. -Said no one. Ever.
mad_hatter0666 22
Lucky for you we have SCHIP (State Children's Health Insurance Program). Please contact Medicaid and ask them what the program is called in your state. In Florida it's Florida Healthy Kids. Its affordable health insurance for parents that covers health, vision and dental for kids. It won't help with this particular situation (since it happened before coverage), but at least things like this could be avoided in the future. :)
rebel_belle1974 5
Wow that's something you can always hold over her! blackmail!!
flipcrazy 0
You wanna black mail a 5 year old?
swagisforchumps 9
Maybe you should get insurance for when you actually do have to rush her to the ER
VoiceMail 12
Meanwhile, in every other country, no money was wasted...
kmt12890 5
Good parents get state insurance for their babies. State covers everything for kids.
TaffyMichele 9
And what if she just wasn't aware that there is something like that? I didn't know that things like that existed for new and upcoming parents until my now (unfortunately) teen mom friend got pregnant. Not knowing everything doesn't make you a bad parent.
outoftown 27
#45, Unfortunately, not all states offer insurance for all kids. OP doesn't say what state she's in.
mad_hatter0666 22
Actually, #133, they do. It just depends on how well they advertise. State insurance is offered in every state. The name just varies from state to state but the insurance is the same. I didn't know about it either until I started working for my state's program. But I promise you it's available in all states. :)
walmartpaysme 15
99, a good parent would talk to their doctor, do Internet research, try to find SOME way to get insurance for their child. My best friend has almost no money but her kids are taken care of because she actually took the time to do her research and go through the process.
Negroification 7
Feed her a tack and see if she still thinks it's funny to joke about.
Steffi 26
You should get insurance for your child.