Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
MetalxSoldier 26
Maybe you should make your kid swallow a tack for real to teach him a lesson. I mean you're already there. Jk though :)
RaggleFrock 13
Yes because paying for it twice is always the answer.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Kids will be kids, you should punish them, but hey, better save than sorry.
gc327072 31
Her punishment must be more severe...
Kn0wledge123 21
Only after she gets spanked, grounded, and has all her toys taken away. Once the next six months of her life turn to ashes...then she has your permission to die.
yhax 2
It's a batman reference...
gc327072 31
Alan, they don't have a movie theater in Toulouse, do they? (tdkr, anyone?) Can't believe no one got that... -__-
eggmarie 25
I got it. I just don't think it's funny. Way overused now.
selahsmithereens 1
Maybe not exactly a punishment, just try to explain that faking medical emergencies costs lots of money and makes everyone upset? Don't people read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" anymore?!
expertsmilee 26
Where is this nut fondling meat grinder you speak of...you know...so I can avoid it
geko911 22
Alan, why you no have a thumbs up button? I would have raped it until it had let me thumb you up twice!!!
geko911 22
What kind of 5 yr old grasps the concept of money? When I was 5, I thought my parents had shit loads of money, even though I didn't get many presents and all. A 5 yr old should be thought the value of truth more than that of money.
gc327072 31
92- don't kiss ass too hard you'll leave a bruise.
Major_Whupass 3
When I was young I knew my parents had a lot of money...
gojira666 7
Yeah ok Alan, apparently the Batman movies are terrible....what ******* planet are u from
ittsdann 6
Wow that is horrible
nictransitglory 4
Yeah it sounds horrible that someone with a 5yr old doesn't have insurance. Sure I can be acting all high and mighty, but seriously kids get sick/hurt all the time, you need to get insurance.
Eliseopwns 22
You're profile pic doesn't help your comment xD
geko911 22
Insurance can cost a hell of a lot, some people are in such a situation where they have to decide between education and insurance. I think some people will prefer to give their kids education and work their ass off for the possible medical bills rather than the opposite.
Callyn 47
And this, right here, is why the US needs a federal healthcare system. You shouldn't have to choose between getting your kid an education and keeping them healthy.
CaptainDoorknob 7
FYL you're going to have bills up the ass for that.
gardenwhipped3 14
how about a choice between smoking & drinking v. keeping your kids healthy? The problem is most people don't want to take responsibility for their own lives. No, we should steal from other people in the name of fairness. After all *I* deserve what everyone else works so hard for. *uses remote on iphone to start a macbook something to stream wireless music so I can play call of duty something on my gazzillion inch plasma*
torio123 27
Kids these days...
iTsbSkuLLy 8
Yep, guess she saw the money tree in the backyard.
alpaquette91 9
You should really have health insurance for your kids at least .. Healthy kids is available so you child is covered.
torio123 27
#98, Not everyone can afford that though :|
melons 44
...are no different to kids in the past.
rofflewaffle 9
If you can afford Internet, you can afford insurance for your child. And if you can't afford it, there are plenty of programs that will pay for it. It's incredibly irresponsible not to have health insurance for your child. What happens when she swallows a real tack? Or gets the flu so bad she needs IV? Or needs vaccinations?
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
crimsonlover4 31
Should've handled that situation with a bit more tack
Alliente 9
That's a good point, 21.
gc327072 31
She really stuck it to OP.
walmartpaysme 15
44 - wouldn't it be nice if the FML team invited something that would allow us to show our agreement without typing out comments? Oh wait......
themarshal_fml 6
I'm sure 44 was trying to make a pun, but she wasn't sharp enough.
SonOfAMitch 14
Try not to pin all the blame on OP's child.
TheNewGuy03 29
But we can definitely poke fun at the situation!
eatdemcupcakes 4
C-c-c-combo breaker!
PinkieKeen 20
52 - wouldn't it be nice if you'd stop being an annoying prick?
MrsAlexander83 10
Sounds like this is probably your first child. Once you have a few, you will relax and learn to ask the right questions in situations like this. Little children around this age are learning to play jokes, so maybe you should explain to him/her that it could have been a real emergency and that they can't joke about that kind of stuff. For some reason, parents feel like they can't talk to their children at this age but take it from someone with experience that those people who don't are stupid. Don't be one of them!
Jeffo193 13
It's "the boy who cried wolf" all over again...
kyliebear 15
"once you have a few" ?! How many do you think she's going to have? 4 or 5?
BrianneAlex 10
Some people do have 4 or 5 kids. I know a family with more than that.
clarissasyima 7
My mom has 5 kids :p
athlete1990 4
Good advice.
GRgoldfish 19
I agree with this person 100%! this is the time to set the boundaries for your children.
alexhaz64 4
Well at least you're doing a good job as a parent. Time to teach her a lesson about lying...
TomPusslicker 21
Like telling her she's adopted, and her real parents were wombats?
pokefan813 16
Or say she has a cookie allergy for the next 20 years? *different fml reference*
torbey 23
only way to look at it is to be thankful that she was just joking :)
safaeita 32
that was actually what i was thinking , sometimes when bad things happen to kids you just wish they're just kidding
Jeffo193 13
I know I'm going to get massively voted down here, but it's things like this that make me wonder why America doesn't want universal healthcare...if you'd been in the UK the only thing you'd have wasted was time :-P
Ugi 27
The thing is, she would have wasted _someone's_ money, even if it was the collective taxpayer. I agree that nobody should be prevented from seeking healthcare due to the cost and so I'm in favour of the NHS. However, it's "timewasting" situations like this where there is an argument that the patient should cover some of the cost rather than the taxpayer.
ajnorma 16
I live in the UK but have used the American healthcare system and to be fair the American healthcare I had was better than the healthcare I got when I got back to the UK but my god health insurance is expensive!
Jeffo193 13
I just think it would be better if all people have access to the same healthcare, even if it is of a slightly lower standard...especially when private healthcare is available for those who can afford it.
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
No down votes from me, sir...
vcapelo 19
Money should never be considered when it comes to the health of human beings!
HelloGuys 4
Im just 14 so i am kinda clueless at this thing but doesnt obama tried to do free healthcare??? (Just a question)
PlaySpades 21
There's no such thing as free healthcare. The money would come from the government who gets it from the taxes and such that we pay every year.
chrisbyg 6
Your fourteen and don't know that stuff? I'm fifteen and I keep my self filled in so I don't look like an idiot and ask stupid questions
ohSNAPyall 27
47 I'm glad you're interested in politics; just four more years til you'll be voting in the next presidential election! You are thinking of what's called universal health care / a single-payer system, where health care for everyone is taken out of taxes on your paycheck, and people who are unemployed would still have health care. The new health care changes haven't gone that far. Obama wants everyone to have coverage, but we will still pay hundreds of dollars each month to private insurance companies to buy our individual (or family) insurance plans. One of the most important improvements to health insurance coverage made during this administration is that insurance companies will no longer be able to deny people coverage. The previous / current law, until this new one goes into effect in 2014, lets insurance refuse to cover people with "preexisting conditions," which can be pretty much anything. Asthma, ADHD, diabetes, pregnancy and many more -- common ailments, things that affect millions of people in the US -- are all examples of "preexisting conditions" that currently prevent people from getting insurance coverage. Once the new law goes into effect in 2014, insurance companies will no longer be able to turn down these people or anyone else who wants to buy coverage, even those who have a disease that is very expensive to treat, such as cancer.
Jeffo193 13
#47 Well done for taking an interest. The idiots who voted you down should be ashamed of themselves when all you did was acknowledge your lack of knowledge (which is hardly surprising if you're 14) and ask for someone to help you understand.
malait 23
I live in Sweden, where healthcare is free, and yet we have one of the world's best healthcares.. The risk of death up to 60 days after a surgery is only 1,8%, in comparsion to latvia where it's 21%.. free healthcare doesn't mean lower standard!
megdg73 0
Even in Canada we have great health insurance! It comes from the taxes but at least when you do need to go to the hospital, it's already 100% paid for from taxes.
annie_nk 23
58 - How the hell is pregnancy a preexisting condition?
Jeffo193 13
If a woman is pregnant she is statistically more likely to die than a woman who is not, so health insurance companies can refuse to insure her while she is pregnant...
annie_nk 23
That's horrible!
Jeffo193 13
It is, but it's the way they avoid losing shit loads of money so it's also essential practice...that is unless universal healthcare is introduced in the US, in which case no one has to worry about their health insurance paying for treatment. In the UK you can also get health insurance but you don't need it; my Mum had health insurance which paid out when she got cancer and made sure we were financially secure during that period :-)
Kasse 4
If you are pregnant before you get insurance or become so before your no claims period ends, then it is classed as a preexisting condition.
brand2017 9
The problem is, there are people who abuse the system. Im sorry but i dont want to waste my hard earned money for other people's healthcare if they are just going to abuse it. Unfortunately, it happens a lot in this country.
Ugi 27
It's a difficult one there - should you have asked her "Did you really do that?" etc, or would that have caused the kid to feel the "correct" answer was to say she hadn't, even if in fact she had? It's a pain that you have all those extra medical bills but at least you have a healthy kid! Now, I guess it's time to emphasise how important it is not to joke about things like that.
juhlman 1
That's what you get for not having insurance
RussianFox 13
10- You have no idea why OP doesn't have health insurance, for all you know it could be something completely out of their control. Think twice next time before acting like an ass.