Anonymous
West End, Australia 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
jesstracy
Naperville, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Hungry boi
Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML
BrokenVow
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Oh no.
Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML
FidoForever
🌶️ Spicy
Doggy dog world
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
poopface82
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?
Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Cedar Buero
Cape Girardeau, United States
Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML
PCJJacket
Los Angeles, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Lilah
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Old prude
Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML
Top comments
melaniaeviania 7
Dang that's an expensive *****!
Tripartita 45
Hello magical vibrating dog!
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Comments (127)
vOIDmASS 13
That's not a knoif! That's a knoif!
BoxFullOfLazy 25
That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
vOIDmASS 13
There's a down under joke here but I'll let you punny ones finger it out (yes I'm a thief)
LyingBlood 8
guess you dog also wanted a bone to play with.
hoponpip 20
omg you people are assholes. whether or not she/he/etc 'has a man' is not the point. it's their choice to have a sex life with themselves and you haven't the right to judge, considering most of you are single too. so stfu
MandieL 27
People here aren't judging OP for not having a man. Where did you get that from. If they are judging her for anything, it's spending so much on a ***** and not taking better care of it. For the most part I think people are startled that a ***** costs that much! You're reading a different thread though if your reading that people are judging her for not having a man in her life.
DoomedGemini 38
Sadly there's a few people making jabs at op not "having a man"(cause all women want men..?) or such.. And some of the comments are judging op for spending money so much on a ***** though majority are jokes or shock over the cost.
DoomedGemini 38
Can someone explain why in downvoted for pointing out there are some asshole comments? It'd be appreciated
OneShotOfEstus94 7
maybe this is a sign.
nanner6206 24
like this $ ?
tkdbb11790 12
If you bought a *****, your sex life was probably over way before that.
Nacelle 7
I bought all of my wife's ******. i get to use then on her. it's fun.
sweetpotato301 7
How? I have a ***** and a steady boyfriend. You realise the two aren't mutually exclusive, right?
bonglife 1
Why spend 120 dollars on a ***** when you can just get a bf and have actual sex. if your sex life only includes a *****, then you're doing something wrong.
DanielleinDC 34
Maybe you shouldn't have left your ***** where your dog could get it. Put it in a drawer or a box with a secure lid.
nanner6206 24
I know the glass ones are pricey, but I doubt that's what Fido got his paws on. I'm curious about what these fancy ****** look like and do. Google, here I come.
Nacelle 7
glass is the best imho
XxanonymousexX 6
But why the 120 dollar ***** you can get a banana for 69 cents a pound?
Catdragon 40
That could get pretty expensive if you calculate how many times you have to pound it.