Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Hungry boi
Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Oh no.
Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML
Doggy dog world
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?
Today, my fiancee and I had sex. Evidently, our dog didn’t consent because he destroyed my ear bud and tried to destroy my only pair of glasses during the act. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML
Old prude
Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML
Top comments
melaniaeviania 7
Dang that's an expensive *****!
Tripartita 45
Hello magical vibrating dog!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (127)
Tripartita 45
Hello magical vibrating dog!
melaniaeviania 7
Dang that's an expensive *****!
Weasely 11
Are ***** elitists a thing now? You can just go use a vegetable.
stryder9090 28
That's an expensive sex life
mezochan 29
Fancy ****** mean fancy orgasms! Right?
Jonkbaby 23
see if you can return it without an explanation
brenton490 19
Does it make gold come out of your ****** when you organic? If so I'm super jealous...
RealChewyPiano 18
Australian dollars though
nodeathtoall 19
@53 most places won't take it back if it's been opened they will usually put a sign up along the lines "due to the nature of this product we will not accept returns unless required too by law"
FoucaultsBitch 6
I do not understand why you are down voted! perhaps fml'ers don't understand economics.
Nyattack 14
Guys, lemme tell you something scary : everybody's talking about how the toy will work, feel etc, but nobody cares about the materials. Well, the regulations for them in sex toys are little to NONE, meaning that cheap sex toys contain garbage, toxic carcinogenic stuff like 90 % of the time. Mostly phtalates, but lots of other nasty stuff. And what's more, companies have the right to advertise a toy as phtalate-free when it very much isn't !! This is the main reason people should be careful about the companies they purchase from, and yes, the best ones are damn expensive ; but worth it !
punmessiah 28
in USD it's about $80 and that's about as much as those 'fancy' ****** start at
C8H18 33
I didn't know ****** where that expensive.
WolfyCubb 8
The good ones are.
bellydancer82 15
Omg I'd be so pissed if my dog did that DX I got one of the Lelo ones and it was $180 (& yes it's worth it, trust me I've tried anything from cheap to expensive toys). Sorry OP, just get a cheap one for now until you can get a better one. Next time I wouldn't leave it out, just keep it in a drawer or something. Or find a man, that works too ;)
Welshite 40
She doesn't need a man. She can use a jackhammer, like me.
lynadette 5
Lelo's ROCK!!!!!!!!
MuyBonita22 14
Download the app: Wish. You can get pretty much if not the same $120 ***** or any other usually expensive sex toy on there for $15 or less
mezochan 29
Wait, you can buy ****** on Wish?! I, uh... Excuse me, I have some "shopping" to do.
l_egendhunter 6
ooohhh. nothing like a used *****.
Why_me499 21
lol. Yeah. I get all my sexy stuff on there. good quality for rock bottom prices. only downside is shipping takes bloody forever
Jenmic 16
I don't know what's more sad the fact you have no sex life or the fact you think paying $120 for a ***** is the only alternative.
PANDORUM89 21
$120 isn't actually that much for a well made sex toy. So perhaps read up on a few things before you respond. Also I think it's sad that you can't grasp the basic concept that a lot of people do not want to have sex with just anybody. Not only is it safer to use a sex toy everytime you feel frisky, it is also more convenient, you are pretty much guaranteed to get it exactly how you want it, and you only have to feed yourself afterwards. If OP had complained about ANYTHING to do with sex regarding multiple people or a lot of sex in general I bet you'd be calling her a ****. So which is it? Is she a sad sap for not having a man to bone or is she a responsible adult who can do whatever the hell she wants because it's her life and if she wants to ride a 12inch purple twisty battery operated ***** straight in to her grave then GO GIRL! Why don't you shut your trap and go find someone to love you because obviously you don't have anything else to do but hate on others.
Thegoofygoober 15
what if the toy has a freakish explosion, then which is safer!
Coolermonkey 9
You are one hell of an expert on ******
DToast 19
Who spends that much on a *****
xLeiwia 6
Clearly op does...
Untotenwolf_13 14
Question, if you had a sex life why would you need a *****?
Dilexar 26
the ***** was her sex life.
Nacelle 7
some us are secure in our sexuality. You can use one on your woman just for fun.
sweetpotato301 7
Also, you do realise that it's possible to have a sex life with someone and ********** by yourself at other times, yes?
spudking 19
Have you ever heard of lesbians?
phantomxbg 17
A ***** does not give u sex
captainsmegma 12
It is cucumber season!