Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML
Today, my dog ate my little brother's medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML
Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML
Today, I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200 and a dog who apparently has a thing for marshmallows. FML
Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Today, I found out the real cause of my dog's illness that she had just recovered from. When my sister took her in to see the vet, the vet said my dog was constipated, and swallowed something orange. That orange thing happened to be my favorite thong. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML
Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML
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Top comments
EnvyMe33 26
That’s why you shouldn’t leave your toys lying around.
Leeono 26
It's give a dog a bone. Not a boner!
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Comments (14)
Leeono 26
It's give a dog a bone. Not a boner!
Cali 57
Nice one!
Lobby_Bee 18
Right, he "ate" it. You tried to use it on the dog but he refused, got angry and attacked the strap on. We all know how it really went down.
exileonmainst 16
That's ruff!
Glowworm56 27
I've said it before and I'll say it again, dogs eat the weirdest crap!
EnvyMe33 26
That’s why you shouldn’t leave your toys lying around.
davecross 11
Hey he wanted to eat some D just like you
moonlight77 28
I’d rethink that one if I were you.
gobiteme2 34
That's a heck of way to add dimples to it.
BurnInDemonFire 39
It's gonna be real awkward if he passes it while you're out walking him. Also, keep out of reach of dogs, children, and anyone who isn't the person you're using it on. God invented the underwear drawer for a reason.
RockPrincess26 16
And shelves high up in the closet.
sweetbliss3 37
I didn't know fake people could invent things?
Ih8teenageangst 20
The whole thing?