Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML
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Top comments
jimmer23 21
My nipples hurt from all the way over here.
sarah5745 41
Holy shit!
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Comments (93)
ohSNAPyall 27
I tried to warn you with my profile pic.
JessLaw22 9
New Piercing??
soulcrusher11 16
there's a gerbil who knows what he wants in life
macen 10
maybe don't try to breast feed any time soon
5FDPmetalhead 17
Embrace it. Go buy a nipple ring and thank your gerbil for the free procedure haha it would've hurt either way
ElsMyaE 8
OUtch
Mooglefox 24
Reminds me of the Jeff Foxworthy bit about how a beaver bit a man's nipple off
inolongercare 19
Why was he in the car and not on in a travel cage?
piercednipple 3
I was actually just hanging out indoors, but my window overlooks the street and the car went off right out front.
zimme2579 10
Might as well get a ring for your peircing.
1stones 8
"Docile" my ass
piercednipple 3
He's usually very docile, that's why the bite was so jarring. All small animals lash out or defend themselves when they're frightened.