Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML
Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week-old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later, I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML
Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML
Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML
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Top comments
bigredmonkeybutt 30
There are better ways to test a rat trap.
Yudith 28
Moral of the story: do not set up a trap bare-chested next to your phone.
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Comments (4)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
There are better ways to test a rat trap.
FluffythePink 23
😱 🫂
Yudith 28
Moral of the story: do not set up a trap bare-chested next to your phone.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Yet another reason why I never go without a bra... I don't understand women who rip them off the second they get home. If they're that uncomfortable, you must have the wrong size or style or something. In any event, that is a huge OUCH!