Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex texted me being all flirty and sexual and yet was never like that when we were together. Not long later, his new girlfriend messaged me saying, "Stop messaging my man, he doesn't want you back." FML
Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML
Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML
Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML
Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML
Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
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Top comments
socialproduct 19
I think "go **** yourself" would be the appropriate response. Both as advice and as a general response to her inconsiderate question.
KingKralj 31
Well, did you tell her? Ya can't leave the story unfinished!
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Comments (31)
KingKralj 31
Well, did you tell her? Ya can't leave the story unfinished!
sweetsammiedee 16
Please refer to the first comment. Need more deets! I don't think I could ever be comfortable asking an ex to do that =|
socialproduct 19
I think "go **** yourself" would be the appropriate response. Both as advice and as a general response to her inconsiderate question.
bahamit 18
I think evil plotting and giving him advice to do things she hates would be a more sufficient revenge.
mfmylifesrsly 30
Since OP said she's an ex from several years ago, I wouldn't see a reason to be upset by what she asked, I'd actually be flattered.
inuyokai52 9
That might be the case if they were on comfortable terms, but from the wording it seems like this was the first time they had talked in a long time. I don't care what kind of relationship you had, you don't bring something like that up so soon after coming back into contact, that's just weird not to mention rude.
spoo 24
<p>He told the ne BF the OP should step in and do it for him. Your gf wants me to take care of bedroom parts of your relationship.</p>
LyricaSilvan 30
Man, that is awkward on a lot of different levels. And a little bit cruel, in my opinion.
manofmerr 27
Well, if you're feeling lazy, sending a few "instructional videos" to the new boyfriend would probably help. But it sounds like your ex just wants to see you finger her new boyfriend, while talking dirty, so he can learn first hand how to do that. Makes perfect sense to me.
RichardPencil 32
Pointers about fingering? Good one!
TheNewGuy03 29
Quite interesting, considering the guy apparently had no problem getting OP's ex's digits. The ex, however, needs to thumb through a book for advice instead of asking OP.
ban_ANA_bat 20
sound more of a compliment, than a bad thing.
Ruskiy_Cherep 18
In other news, we now know OP is sexually talented.. that being said, you have any tips n tricks? For research purposes..
luvlu444 24
Yep my ex did the same, asked how he should ask out his crush...
hpandher 16
If you had broken up with her, then I don't see a FML here. But if she had dumped you, then you can ask her to go screw herself...