Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
loserboii 11
On the 21st, play some music with loud bass on your speakers to make the house shake. Then see if he comes down screaming that the Mayans were right.
TipOfTheHat 10
Tell him to explain it again, through the use of interpretive dance
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
ninjacow123 6
Or maybe you're the *******. Hence you don't know how to spell prophecy.
BongRipsForJesus 7
They use a different system of measurement, baktuns, which range from 1-13, or about 5,125 years. Their calendar starts at 1 baktun and "rolls over" at 13. Since the end of 13 is essentially 12/21/2012, it should signify the beginning of something rather than the end.
BlondBeachBunny 4
The Mayans had to stop writing calendars at some point in time... It had to stop somewhere.
Sheh_fml 25
It's cute to see how many don't know jack shit about the Mayan apocalypse. And lack enough intelligence to believe a culture managed to predict the apocalypse but not their own extinction. Mayan calendars work in grouping a number of days together, just like ours. But they have a bunch of them, the longest being a few thousand years, though I don't remember the exact number. The Mayans didn't see the end of their calendar as the end of the world any more than we see new years eve as the end of the world. The cycle just restart. Also, when converting the Mayan calendar to our Gregorian one they did in in fact account for leap years. So the "doomsday"-date is correct. Personally, I will spend my apocalypse/Mayan new year celebrating. I like the idea of two new years eves in one year.
GhostChickens 17
There's three if you count Chinese New Year. The party never ends.
bugmenotmofo 34
Hooray for a dad that gives a shit about his offspring.
CallmeRyuzaki 0
Good news is we get to see the hobbit before the end. Bad news- we're going to miss the other 2.
2RaRa25 6
It could have been worse, OP. He could actually be a doomsday believer and forced everyone to 1) be informed, i.e., the skeptical documentaries that are airing at the moment. And 2) he could've then forced everyone to start prepping with him and giving up jobs and such. At least he hasn't fallen for the rumors.
jshthssn50 2
If you actually believe the world is gonna end on the 21st, then you are a *******.
ben827 10
It was actually all fabricated by the Illuminati so they can finally establish a new world order out of the chaos that will emerge from their false prediction. 2012 IS AN INSIDE JOB! WAKE UP PEOPLE!
KhaozD 3
your dads an idiot, tell him.i said that. the mayans had knowledge of something & theyre pissed people are calling it the mayan apacolypse. government & religeous corperations are the con men.
Shrike 24
Well, time to bookmark this comment and come back on the 22nd to tell you how much of a crying-ass fucktard you are.
CaptainBlack 18
"Hey dad, you're an idiot. ~KhAoZd~ said so."
Shrike 24
Yep, looks like I'm still here and stuff.