Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML
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Top comments
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
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Comments (161)
sarah2144 14
Lmaoooo my comment is total shit. In fact, I'm not sure why I even commented. You'd think I'd keep the inane TXT language to actual text messages, right? Ah well, **** my life; **** it hard.
SkoomaKi 28
*insert comment about how unnecessary #1's comment is*
olpally 33
*jeopardy music plays* while waiting for this first comment to get modded.
unknown_user5566 27
20- It appears that you got your wish. ;) The mods took their Golden Hammer of Justice, and smashed #1 right in the face.
Keliosan 6
Stoning is so barbaric...what if we miss? Or run out of stones?? Baseball bats are so much more efficient.
Jaxx66 21
I thought 1 had a nervous breakdown... But if the Mods changed it, then right you are! I'm sure it did suck. And as for the FML, I think that your dad may be on too something.. Or off his meds. You should argue back that Gandalf is the anti-Christ.
silbot 11
#1's comment made about as much sense as the FML did
_Oblivion_ 12
I think this is a good solution to those asshats who post "first" or other stupid comments.
thatKidzmOm 10
Another one bites the dust!!!!!
efemel94 7
Thou shall not go into your overdraft!!!
1PaulyD 9
Poor number 1, very sad...
KiddNYC1O 22
Ah... wee woo, woo wee.
redbluegreen 41
"They say Sirin is on the move."
McMan 23
She not need to move, she is omnipresent. Which is why I like to play Dane Cook's Vicious Circle in the background while hoping she can hear it. :D
MedKits 9
Now I really want to know what the originial comment looked like.
nado13579 12
Can someone tell us what the original comment was?
lolfood 24
It was probably a first?
unknown_user5566 27
I would explain what the original comment was, but after reading it, a large group of my brain cells jumped off of a cliff an committed suicide. As a result, my memory is ****** and I am unable to recall the actual verbiage.
SenselessPattern 12
Wish they had a "before" and "after" to show just how effective the magic of modding can be.
Freakenpope 0
What?
eggmarie 25
He is clearly right.
rdrr 2
My Precioussss!
SmeXikoE 3
Destroy the ring!
efemel94 7
Thou shall not go into your overdraft!!!
greenmen 12
He is very right without those corrupt there will be no film industry. Rich don't become rich by emptying their pockets
wannaplay 1
Frodo and Sam, help us!
matt5217 4
Keep him away from game of thrones....
Laby_fml 9
He's clearly on to something. Genius
russianmartini 2
I have no idea what today about this...
octopussperm125 18
...........or do u?
unknown_user5566 27
3- Commenting after reading an FML is completely optional. If you don't know what to say, well, don't say anything at all.
SecretMe00 5
People's comments are sucking recently. Ya know, I love reading the actual FML, but I also look forward to the comments so people get your act together!
ManInTheMachine 20
52-On behalf of all FMLers, I deeply apologize for your dissatisfaction with our recent performances. We have been commenting mindlessly, completely forgetting that this whole time our sole purpose has been to entertain you. I will make sure we all review our scripts to ensure that we minimize any firstgasms, and keep the creative juices flowing. Once again, we apologize for our selfishness. Very sincerely, The FML Community ...just kidding. I actually agree with you. Partially. Hopefully the haze of stupidity will lift soon.
SenselessPattern 12
How the **** did 3's comment make me laugh? Damn the Hilarity of non-sensical statements. Gets me every time.
KittyJay 3
Weird... When my dad was going through mid-life crisis, he just bought a new car and started working out more.
speshlk37 13
Mid-life crisis/delusional paranoia, tomato/tomoto...
lordEast 6
Your dad is gay. Search his Internet history it's a study done by UCLA
zandalee 20
He is probably worried about 12.12.12 Is bullshit of course but midlife crisis or not, quite a few people think the world ends on this day.
xleanne_aLly 23
It's 12.12.12? I thought it was Dec. 22 haha yeea it's bullshit. But does anyone know the correct date? Me and my sister are getting high on that day and are watching 2012 Then laugh at alll the dumb bitches freaking out.
MrSnoopyJ 1
It's December 21st* 2012. Not the 22nd.
t3chn0cr4t 6
The Miyans predicted December 21st 2012.
xleanne_aLly 23
Thank yaa
SuperDerp 8
The mayans didn't predict the world would end; instead that date is thought to be the begining of a new age (if that makes any sense). So its total bs people would think this would happen.
jakk_mehoff 4
your dad is awesome!
xoconnie 8
^^ in kind of a psychotic crazy way, I agree.
starwind3438 9
I don't really see the analogy.
br0ccoli 15
I think it goes like this: 1.One ring that rules them all (ring means money and power, belonging to finance industry) 2. Other rings exist, other kingdoms (other industries) 3. Sauron is greedy, in need of power and control, will do anything for it, will destroy everyone else in pursuit of it (pursuit of money and the result is a suffering economy) 4. Two little, insignificant dwarfs from a random area are the ones who succeed and destroy Sauron through will and determination, with the help of a few powerful friends (one of the 99%-ers, against the 1%) I think this is what OP's dad was referring to. Time to call the Ents!!
the_anti_hipster 7
Do the Orcs symbolize Hilary Clinton? Cuz they could be twins.
ThecomingofTan 9
101, if the Orcs symbolize Hilary Clinton, then that explains why the Egyptian protesters threw tomatoes and chanted "Monica" at her a couple of days ago. It all makes sense now.
stonessm 2
72 for the sake of clarity they are not dwarves, they are hobbits of the Shire
SkoomaKi 28
Be careful not to mention Star Wars, it will lead to another 2 hour discussion about how Lord Vader is a corrupt politician.
octopussperm125 18
Father: "he is trying to steal all of the rebels oil and is going to close the border for all wookies and they would become illegal immigrants
MerrikBarbarian 9
But... The Empire uses solar power. *coughTIEs* it's those wasteful rebels who use fuel. So wasteful. All hail the Emperor! As to wookiees, who wants those loud hairy brutes shedding on our great empire? :p
lordEast 6
And dont forget the commie rebel scum with theyre smuggling and jungle guerilla warfare. And theyre terrorists
HeartOfLead 24
But I heard Lord Vader wasn't good with money. And in this economy (the economy of the future) that makes you a bad politician. In fact you can even find ads talking about how he relocated all the rebel's enterprises to other planets, terminating thousands of jobs, only for a few space credits.
olpally 33
Must be one hell of a mid-life crisis if he has time to rant about the lord of the rings for two hours. You should probably go out to the bar or something to liven him up a little bit.
rattusrattus 19
Yeah, I mean, my Mum's gone to uni and my Dad's got a three-legged terrier, that's pretty much the extent of their mid-life crises. This guy sounds like he's been looking at "Literary Criticism for Conspiracy Theorists".
gracehi 33
Yes, because clearly alcohol is EXACTLY what he needs...
br0ccoli 15
74-the alcohol was for OP.
rdrr 2
Alcohol is the answer.
olpally 33
I just suggested the bar, but I didn't say alcohol was the answer, did I? I just suggested op take him somewhere fun as well to help him out of his funk. Read my comment again... Jeez. I know alcohol is never the answer to a mid-life crisis.
Buzzy123 7
It all adds up
minus20 4
That's not like any mid life crisis I've ever hear of