Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my daughter, who can pick up spiders and even snakes without flinching, screamed at the top of her lungs because she saw a mouse. Um, what? FML
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML
Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML
Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML
Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML
Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML
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Top comments
Jordanln97 9
Oh my god
cristy91 33
In every house cat, there is a tiger waiting.
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Comments (114)
Forlorn420 9
mmmm! dinner!
lolkaela 6
For the cat, maybe, but I doubt OP has much of an appetite after that...
SlenderMann 10
Prepare for a flood of horrible cat puns.
Wiringify 22
Are you a cat 1?
Teyros 24
No he's a pussy.. Cat ;-)
Forlorn420 9
Damn everyone hating on my comment haha
arbcats1 8
I thought it was funny!!
Jordanln97 9
Oh my god
rotflqtms_ 21
Oh my God indeed!!! Those were my first words upon reading this FML... I gagged a little on the imagery painted in my head after reading this... I can still hear the mouse screaming, and now I see red blood smeared all over the walls... Wow... And it was loud enough for the mom to think it was her infant... That's some Sick stuff. Now I can't eat this chicken...
bombshellbabee01 9
Thank you #23 for that visual I can picture it much better now
Pegasister_fml 5
2- I read that in Roger's voice and its fifteen times more hilarious!
XxDevilxXGt 26
My first words were "A mouse was screaming that loud?" and I proceeded to eat my potato soup.
ribbons 23
#23: At least OP found the situation by sound and sight. What truly is a gag-inducing experience is stepping barefoot into a nice puddle of cold and slimy dead mouse remains an hour later...
Mahtari 19
55 is my clone, apparently.
arbcats1 8
I've done that first thing in the morning....what a way to wake up!
Eamon666 3
I saw your profile picture first and then read it in rogers voice
slap_u_much 6
Lol I was about to write the same thing @#42
shannonreneee 11
Feature wall?
ohSNAPyall 27
Creature feature.
imavelociraptor 6
Poor mouse!!! :'(
MrPlopper 9
Deadmau5
HouseElf 13
Now that Deadmau5 is engaged to Kat Von D.....it all makes sense now.
LolPieRofl 11
That is cat-astrophic!
ScarletFever67 6
You have got to be kitten
loserboii 11
I'm not feline these thread puns today
TallMist 32
But the jokes are purrfect!
KiddNYC1O 22
It's not the first time, these puns have been going on fur a wild. (I tried)
SApprentice 34
I think we could use serval more puns.
LogicalMembrane 3
Meow it's just getting old.
Altar_fml 2
It mouse be terrible...
Axipiter 24
Not so funny meow, is it?
marrrry 4
Jeez, kits. It's as if you've got nothing better to do than just be lion around, telling tails and being silly.
andyyroxx 20
Pussy.
LolPieRofl 11
U sir just ruined the pun line. Get out of my face you disappoint me!
akg98 13
That pun reminds me of the adventurous adventures of one direction
FlightofAcidFox 18
( some time later cat sees it's owner) Just when I was Purr-fecting our routine mew came in and hissstracted us. It was to be the kit-tle Fenile of ours.
cristy91 33
In every house cat, there is a tiger waiting.
racerapj 10
The kills an average outdoor cat bring to you is only 1/4 of their kill count
Carmstro 13
To paint your walls?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
One more thing to cross off your list! ;)
justbarb 11
He was just trying to help out.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
It just wanted to bring the baby a snack, what a sweet cat. Very amousing story.
xblair 11
well that's disturbing to see. if i were OP i'll find it hard to eat for days.