Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
loserboii 11
On the 21st, play some music with loud bass on your speakers to make the house shake. Then see if he comes down screaming that the Mayans were right.
TipOfTheHat 10
Tell him to explain it again, through the use of interpretive dance
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
buckdharma 38
I just got my 2013 calendar from Dirty Joe's Crab Shack And Pastries. I believe in Joe, although your world might come to an end if you eat one of them pastries.
XxXLIKEAJACKXxX 2
Border line brain dead gullible fuckwits awesome just awesome.
bignardz101 14
Well I think you are too
mufasa1026 6
Well??? Were you a ****-wit who believed it???
saIty 17
I'm fearful for all the stupid shit borderline brain-dead gullible fuckwits will do next week.
MerCede5 5
Well, two weeks from now they'll be saying "Oh...we were wrong again. It's supposed to happen in ANOTHER twelve years..."
daringtoride 27
I'm fearful too. People are stupid, and I plan to stay in my house on the so-called day the world ends. Not because I believe it, but many do, and because of those idiots, the crime rate is going to go up something awful that day. Can't imagine wanting to get on the road with those morons.
GhostChickens 17
I'm terrified of the suicide rates on December 21st. People have suspected that they'll rise next week as some people don't want to witness the "end of the world". Maybe I'm overreacting here, but I'm also terrified of the homicide rates. If a person kills themselves to avoid the apocalypse, they'd probably want to "save" their families too...
billyz77 24
If the Mayans were such great fortune tellers, how come they didn't see the Spaniards coming and get the hell out of the way?
ambitiousnygrl 17
Good point! Not to mention that they also used a different calendar system than us. So 2012 for them is a different year than 2012 for us.
Sinkhole 26
It's probably because they didn't actually use Arabic numbers to count years... so they never really say '2012' anywhere. You know... just a thought.
ambitiousnygrl 17
Exactly! That's why comparing their calendar with ours is like comparing apples and oranges. Their dates don't coincide with ours.
Sinkhole 26
Actually, that's not what I'm saying. Time is not relative to the type of calendar you use. It doesn't matter which calendar it is, as long as you know how the calendar works, you can still make calculations to find approximate dates.
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
The Mayan civilization was declining long before the Spaniards even got there. They suffered from over population and droughts. Are you thinking of the Aztecs?
tsent8 15
Your dads wrong the world IS gonna end. Aliens are also going to come and steal our donuts. But it doesn't stop there I MARRIED BIGFOOT!!!
molliepop19 5
No. Just no.
ThecomingofTan 9
35, I heard through the grape vine that Bigfoot is cheating on you.........with me.
zgomon 10
They're going to take all our burritos and call us Planet Asshole.
tsent8 15
45- you bastard! But it's ok you know that Martian girl that you've been seeing? Yeah she's mine now I took her all around the solar system if ya know what I mean.
buckdharma 38
Make the most of it people.I heard Macy's is having a huge, End Of The World Sale !!!
mjacv2 5
Now I'm happy I read all the way down here just for this comment
JoeRogansBEARD 15
"ORHH MYY GAWD!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! EVERY ONE START PRAYING TO DIETYS!!! CALL BRUCE WILLIS!!! SAVE YOURSELF'S!!!! " ~fuktwats
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Sorry should say fuktwits*
BellaBelle_fml 23
I actually kind of like 'fuckwats'. It makes me imagine someone trying to hump a lightbulb in an attempt to gain knowledge.
ChaoticBacon 6
All of the power companies should shut off the power for 3 hours that day just to **** with people.
CharresBarkrey 16
Ever heard of the radio show 'War of the Worlds?' I feel this would have the same effect. Bad idea.