Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
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Top comments
loserboii 11
On the 21st, play some music with loud bass on your speakers to make the house shake. Then see if he comes down screaming that the Mayans were right.
TipOfTheHat 10
Tell him to explain it again, through the use of interpretive dance
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Comments (116)
jterrell1993 4
If you actually did believe the prophecy then u deserve it
unknownfork 12
Your dad is a cool guy. The Mayans never even predicted apocalypse. If you figured that out instead of listening to all the ignorant people who actually believed I would happen, then you wouldn't have to go through the 2 hour lecture.
tf5f89 7
The Mayans didn't even make a prediction. And even if they had, why believe it? It would have as much worth as a horoscope, that is to say, none.
iAmLauRawr 10
To be fair though, your dad may have said it to prevent you from doing anything stupid to yourself. Just being cautious rather than being regretful in the near future, in case you were dumb enough to do something. Dont be so harsh on him, he cares about you. :)
hollywoodt1ts 15
how can anyone vote YDI on this one?... can anyone say "mid-life crisis"? FYL, OP.
bshephard3822 9
******* is officially my new favorite word