Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML
Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML
Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML
Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad bought a Bible. He's completely illiterate and is basing his religious beliefs off people on TV saying "It's in the Bible." I miss bacon and am tired of explaining to people that he's an idiot. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
It's a scourge on humanity! It makes your pee smell all funny! It must be banned!
iAmScrubs 19
ATTENTION, once you have started reading this, you can't stop. If you do not send this message to 29 people by midnight tonight, an asparagus will appear outside your window an give you asparagus syndrome.
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Comments (31)
bonezisme 0
lol
mb1616 0
asparagus syndrome?
Denikk 0
haha @2 xDDD
johnson94 5
care for some ass burgers?
gwadafiesta_fml 2
Well 1)calling your dad illiterate because of a possible typo is a little bit extreme and 2)you have to be sick to eat those anyways so...
Shy_Anne 10
I'm confused O_o
bravesfan112233 0
your friend is garbage
bonezisme 0
its supposed to be asburgers if thats hot you spell it
Ritaa_fml 4
*Ass-burgers. OP's dad isn't illiterate. He just forwards chain mails without reading them. Nothing to see here, move on...
dgr8ing 0
I see what you did there
catrav77 0
you see what who did where...?
sailorzoe 14
How*
Aaraeus 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
2 just epic failed.
ImTotallyAsian 0
I agree
TropicalTulipz 0
thats not funny at all..
baby_dee97 8
wellarent you a downer
DocBastard 40
It's a scourge on humanity! It makes your pee smell all funny! It must be banned!
benderbot19 0
so true, doc! why's it make the pee smell so bad?!
jennifer93 0
oh you've never heard of it? wow you're behind the times...
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
we have to speak up for those of us that are less fortunate. it's a hard life they live
nlr 9
is that when you reek of asparagus?
benderbot19 0
Aspergers. high-functioning autism, basically.
nlr 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
it's when they get obsessed with something very quickly....
benderbot19 0
nir. no.
CitrusGirl 0
Nir, go get educated. You have no idea what autism is.
benderbot19 0
amen, citrus.
rtxj89 0
nlr: I honestly think you just pulled something out of your ass and hoped it would work. That's probably how you live every day of your life; good luck not getting beaten to death!