Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
They exist
Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML
Good God, man…
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Top comments
loserboii 11
On the 21st, play some music with loud bass on your speakers to make the house shake. Then see if he comes down screaming that the Mayans were right.
TipOfTheHat 10
Tell him to explain it again, through the use of interpretive dance
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Comments (116)
loserboii 11
On the 21st, play some music with loud bass on your speakers to make the house shake. Then see if he comes down screaming that the Mayans were right.
TipOfTheHat 10
Or just make a recording in a god voice telling he's wrong. Let him hear the recording at 6 in the morning in place of his alarm clock!
loserboii 11
Still it's not everyday people hear loud voices like so...unless they are schizuphrenic (spelled it wrong?).
MerCede5 5
Schizophrenic. Close.
SlenderMann 10
OP should have showed her dad the gangnam style video and the Nostradamus gangnam style rumor video. Www.endoftheworldcounter.com The end is come...
tom08 3
Lol u mean the end is near?....
SlenderMann 10
No, there's two ways of saying it, and that's one of them. :P
fugger973 5
75, what if you are saying "come here"? wouldnt that be present?
SlenderMann 10
Have you heard of the song "Joy to the World"? It says "Joy to the world, The Lord is come." It's not modern day English but it IS correct grammar. Plus, I was kidding about the end of the world. For all of you haters out there that thumbed my comments down, you really can't take a joke.
SlenderMann 10
If I offended somebody or something, I'm sorry everybody. I apologize to all of you, especially 75 who seems to be most upset. I really am a nice person and I don't try to harm anybody. I'm just trying to be witty or just making the OP feel better. Sorry guys! :(
TallMist 32
#92 Don't apologize to anyone. It's just a small grammatical error. On purpose or not, your post wasn't anything for people to rage about. Just let the grammar nazis and/or trolls do their thing and let it go.
SlenderMann 10
Thank you 102- you made me feel a lot better. :) I just try to be a nice person and try not to get in the way as much as possible.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
That sounds like something my dad would do. FYL
Geometric 18
Didn't think that anybody believed this crap in the first place, if the world's going to be destroyed, there isn't going to be any prediction about it
Poppipuff 14
If there was a big asteroide coming, scientifics would be able to say so some months before it hits the Earth.
Roskie 16
^The fail in this comment cancels out the win in this comment.
ideasrule 13
He's from Toulouse. In French, the word for asteroid is "asteroide", and the word for scientist is "scientifique".
RoboCunnilingus 23
That burn could've been avoided.
CharresBarkrey 16
So much ignorance in such a little comment, 28.
Carmstro 13
60, big things come in small packages!
UsernameHere234 13
Hate to break the news to you but the amount of near earth objects picked up by scientists are actually astonishingly low. I don't believe the world is going to end (though it would be interesting if it did) but I just wanted to let you know that 90% of large asteroids are thought to be detected but the majority of mid-sized are not picked up.
Beeftinkle 13
76, "oxycontin Xanax bars Percocet and lortab, watchu want watcha need hit me up i gotcha mayne"
wagne057 6
I think you may be going a little overboard on this.
ambitiousnygrl 17
More like OP's dad is going a little overboard on this.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Man... what am I gonna do with my thousand dollar forcefield?? :O
Goldenchest 14
Pretty sure anything under 10 billion is a great deal for a force field
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Point :P
seanc722 2
thousand dollar tupperware container.
elguti4 3
True, it was probably a crappy force field anyway…
dogpfcorn 11
Mayans are wrong, they made the calendar BEFORE the Romans made leap year, so we should have died years ago
Hiimhaileypotter 53
They never predicted we were going to die...
Bekll 31
12, right. It wasn't that humans would become extinct or the world ending, but a transition for us.
pandalover69 26
actually we should of died about 6 or 7 months ago, with out leap year it would only be july 2013.
howdeedoo 22
*should have
MerCede5 5
Actually, the Mayan calendar was created to coincide with the revolution of Nemesis around the sun, and it ends each time Nemesis passes through a certain comet field in space. Each time this happens there is a new Ice Age, and that is supposed to happen this year. The leap year thing has nothing to do with the revolution of stars around each other.
Shrike 24
Nemesis is a hypothetical planet that was only postulated in 1999. Do you see the problem with your comment now? Try again.
MerCede5 5
Nemesis is he sister star of our sun. Look it up. Good try at sounding smart, though.
MerCede5 5
*the
Shrike 24
Oh, you mean Nemesis the hypothetical star, first postulated in 1984. Really? It's like you think nobody will actually look stuff up and verify your claims. You'd be right at home with the conspiracy theory crowd.
lilpsyco 16
Girls girls calm down, your both pretty now kiss and make up.
spud11763 14
You're all being highly unintelligent about this. If you knew anything about a leap year, you'd know it's not an extra day; it's just the year is one day longer. So January 1st is really December 31st; our planet revolves 365.25 or so times during one time around the sun. So after a couple decades it'd be June, but spring or autumn. The "extra" day is to keep the seasons in sync. Also, every 100 years the leap year is skipped, (since the calendar would be too far ahead), unless the skipped year is divisible by four (hence why 2000 WAS a leap year and 1900 was not). The Romans thus reasoned being off by one day every ten thousand years could be corrected when the time came. In other words, how we say 21st December, 2012 is exactly flipping the same as they would say the 13th Baktun, which is when their calendar starts over, no cataclysmic events involved. We have --.--.---- they have --.--.--.--.--.-- but it'd the same deal. Google it if you think I'm lying.
spud11763 14
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xX96xng7sAE this video explains leap years in laymens terms. The uploaded also has a video explaining why the Mayans are wrong, hint hint. For those of you who can't access it, type CGPGrey into YouTube, and find it in their uploads. Knowledge is power people.
LiveLoveBeatles 19
Because everything on the internet's true, right?
Paris25_fml 11
Actually, power is power. You don't have to be very intelligent to have power over something.
fugger973 5
57, how is 1900 not divisible by four? any "hundred" is divisible by four. 1900/4=475. dont try and act smart if you cant do simple math.
dashizam 10
84, read, the guy is trying to prove that every hundred years they skip leap year. Don't try to act smart if you can't read a simple comment.
Bookoholic 11
After reading all of this, OP's dad might be right.
verkaderk 9
Dec.21st 2012 is the equivalent of our Jan.1st every year. The difference is the Mayan calendar is 5000 years long and not 365 days. In their calendar they too have 4 seasons except they're wind, flooding, fire, natural disasters. The world goes through these periods throughout the 5000 years
spud11763 14
Oops, that was supposed to be a four hundred not a four. "Some exceptions to this rule are required since the duration of a solar year is slightly less than 365.25 days. Over a period of four centuries, the accumulated error of adding a leap day every four years amounts to about three extra days. The Gregorian Calendar therefore omits 3 leap days every 400 years, omitting February 29 in the 3 century years (integer multiples of 100) that are not also integer multiples of 400.[3][4] For example, 1600 was a leap year, but 1700, 1800 and 1900 were not. Similarly, 2000 was a leap year, but 2100, 2200, and 2300 will not be. By this rule, the average number of days per year is 365 + 1/4 − 1/100 + 1/400 = 365.2425.[5]"
spud11763 14
90- where are you getting your information...? The whole myan calendar has 13 Baktuns, and one Baktun is 394 years, so 13x394 is 5122 years, so I get that. The thing is, when they made the calendar, they thought that the world was one of their calendars long at that point. So our December 21 2012 is their 0 Baktun 0 Katun 0 Tun 0 Uinal 0 Cimi 0 Zotz. It's a period of celebration and transformation, not fire wind and death for the world.
ilovecolbyclub 3
They also didn't have two of our current months, so you're off.
chrisauh 4
Dumbass that's been proven wrong. Scientists accounted for leap years while converting it to our calender.
Karalela44 15
57, I'm gonna be honest with you. I was too lazy to read your comment
thebaddayblues 3
No such thing as too careful!
Geometric 18
#1 - A more realistic (or not depending on how you interpret this) prank would be to somehow get some acid into his system, and THEN we'll see who believes in the Mayan prophecy :D
McAninch35 9
I would be terrified to ever go to a party you were at
SaltukBugraHan 8
That's sick. I love it!
TipOfTheHat 10
Tell him to explain it again, through the use of interpretive dance
RvidxrKlvn 8
Hey Ocho, there's a reply button dawg.
howdeedoo 22
If your talking to 9, it's nueve
gc327072 31
And 10 didn't use reply either. lol
thatKidzmOm 10
I'm sure he was talking to 8...hence the ocho. :) considering 8 called out #1 in his own comment.
bandofsand 10
Also, 26 I think 10 was making a point by choosing not to hit reply.
OhDearBetrayal 25
23- It's YOU'RE. YOU'RE. Educate yourself, imbecile.
MissNicky177 6
49- Please shut up. Stupid Grammar Nazis.
TallMist 32
#49 Oh no! Someone made a mistake! Let's all rage about it! That'll show him to not make an easy mistake!