Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted, "False flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML
Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML
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Top comments
Skyblu10 10
Quick, grab your tinfoil hats.
143dav 8
It could be a possibility, but then genetic engineering might be their way of hiding unicorns...
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Comments (48)
rachilio 26
Ah, parents. Just gotta love their imagination!
rachilio 26
My dad does it too, I love it... Although he's not serious.
braja3249 4
Is your dad Alex Jones by any chance?
rachilio 26
He is not
braja3249 4
I was actually asking OP, since his dad seems maniacally conspiratorial and loves telling people to do research while doing none himself.
PenguinBitch 44
#2 is replying to his own comment. Deja-vu?.....hmmm........ He has been reprogrammed!! Kill him!
rachilio 26
Lol female
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Speaking of imagination, why do I feel there's a Mitt Romney sign still in their yard?
rachilio 26
When I said "lol female" I was not being offensive, I simply meant I was a female, as an earlier comment referred to me as a man
143dav 8
It could be a possibility, but then genetic engineering might be their way of hiding unicorns...
androiddestroya 7
It's all a conspiracy man!!! Or... Maybe that's just what they want us to think!!!!
wiiplay 9
Oh, you are a GENIUS! What, no.. Not about hiding unicorns.. But what if we used that engineering jibjab to CREATE unicorns instead? Imagine being able to create a new species of horse with a giant pointy horn sticking out of it's head. If I did that, I'D BE RICH! Now, let the crazy train rooollllll out of the station...
dmoran20 27
Only so kids could name them "horny"
PenguinBitch 44
God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates unicorns....wait. what?
j_729 18
Goin off the rails on the crazy train
klutz44 28
Unicorns?!? Must get to Russia!
Skyblu10 10
Quick, grab your tinfoil hats.
Alleged_Cranium 7
OP, you have done the research and found that your dad is a nut case.
sux4u121 10
I didn't know #4 was op...
GothickNihilist 15
I thought you wore those to stop major league baseball from reading your thoughts.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Oh come on, I'm not a she- BAAA-AA-AAA-AAA-AAA
supportcommand 17
17- you're absolutely right. What we need to use are armadillo helmets.
BVBarmy_girl 22
Seriously, are you telling me, that you haven't heard?! Aliens have invaded and killed the entire Russian government, everybody knows..
Damian95 16
"Aliens" -guy off of history channel.
dc4 12
Pfft, I call BS. Everyone knows that all government figures are alien lizards, they wouldn't kill their own kind. That's crazy talk.
LuckBeNimble 19
the Russian population was just a bunch of bears on unicycles anyway...
NickaPLZ 26
He has a name. Giorgio Tsoukalos. And if you need a translation, his name means "I'm ******* Awesome."
eaglerob 20
I am with the government and I'm here to help, sheep.
wiiplay 9
Now THAT is one intimidating government hound you've got there. I bet it's sleeping with two eyes open, too. ps. Nice couch. Oh, and cute dog.
rhysfucker 24
Their Area 51 is in the Ukraine. Look it up. Naw.
wiiplay 9
Haven't you heard? Area 51 is nothing more than a coverup for Area 52, which itself is covering up Area 7, which is actually the codename for District 9. Also, little green men are really gray, and little gray men are actually green. Isn't it obvious?
seacadet 18
Actually "Area 51" is just a cover for a base located a few miles away from it. I know people in the Naval Intel community that have been to 51.
wiiplay 9
Ah 78, you just had to go out and ruin the conspiracy with truth. :(
NeatNit 33
78 something tells me you weren't supposed to share that with us
Meettitan 14
I heard we encountered strange radio waves that originated 51 light years away from area 51. 51 - 28 = 23. Coincidence? Do the research.
kathryn14 19
It's just "Ukraine" not "the Ukraine." Though it may sound right, they don't like that, they're proud to be their own country now and not just a region. Not to be a grammar Nazi or anything but it's just like saying the Italy or the China.
seacadet 18
"Battle Los Angeles" comes to mind, I got my shotgun loaded... Bring it on Aliens! Seriously though, anythings possible, no way we're the only life in the Galaxy!
rhysfucker 24
It's time/distance. We'll be extinct by the time our first radio transmissions reach intelligent life. Probably...
UberNova 18
13 - Maybe...maybe... Heard of a Warp Drive? I'm talking about bending space-time around a vehicle, it is a theory in experimentation.
seacadet 18
Who say's we have to contact them, for them to invade? They could have a space fleet inbound right now... that meteor could have been surveillance equipment.
bReLiNg 18
Next, he's going to build a bomb shelter.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
He could be right; never trust the government, they're all out to get you. ******* Illuminati, I don't know what's real any more. :(
wiiplay 9
You, my friend, are just a figment of your own imagination. This reply was in reply to a reply In your head.
Brssps 13
Type illuminati backwards then do .com after it... Itanimulli.com is a goverment website...
wiiplay 9
92 - That website is just being forwarded to a Government-owned site. It's a pretty funny joke, though. Wonder how long it'll take for it to be shut down....
chanellgymnast 17
BAH.