Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Your dad is awesome! If the guys have any sense of humour they will know your dad was taking the piss out of you. But then again it could be your dads way of keeping you away from boys. Either way Dad: 1 Daughter: 0
roxii__x 0
"URRRRGH, DAD!"
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Comments (113)
mastershake 0
hahahaha that sounds like something my dad would do
npk1112 0
Sounds like you have a pretty cool dad! Not really FML at all....but its still hilarious!
asortafairtale 0
hahaha! i feel your pain. my dad would prolly do the same thing. that's when you start talking about boobs and periods at the dinner table.
Art_Vandeley 0
Your dad rocks!
undead_ 0
Quite the cockblock
tehhotness 0
Okay seriously, this first crap is annoying as hell. What are we in 3rd grade?
foolishwolf 0
LMAO Best dad ever.
lpaul49 0
Yeah, this FIRST shit is moronic. Honestly, everyone can see that your first. That said, your dad is the man. Besides, odds are high that you're never going to see those guys again, never mind talk to them. This isn't an FML at all, it's just proof that your dad has a sense of humor that apparently, he didn't pass on to you.
azhein 0
she said it was two guys she knew
log1k 3
lol, a Dad with a sense of humour +1 :)
lowcapacityx 0
Lol good times at the groceries.
swish22743 0
haha I agree I used to hear this stuff all the time when I worked at a grocery store! and nice profile it's pretty funny :)