Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says, "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
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Top comments
MassiDelta 28
Some say OP is still cringing to this very day...
Mechazilla2 15
On the bright side, he didn't say " so was your sister."
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Comments (70)
MassiDelta 28
Some say OP is still cringing to this very day...
mds9986 24
Legend has it that OP's face cringed so hard it collapsed into itself, creating a wormhole to another galaxy.
Nick_Pat91 9
The legends are true: to this day, I'm still cringing at the memories, although 'Cringe' MAY BE a bit of an understatement here... Hi everyone, OP here. I had to create an account to start replying. This had actually happened several weeks ago, and I had tried so very, VERY hard to block out the memory of this event. The trauma only came back recently when I had heard someone use the phrase 'tight squeeze'. So I felt the need to assuage this emotional pain by sharing it on here. Sort of like a group therapy session really.... Anyways love your comments! Pretty funny stuff!
Krypt1c 11
Just a little awkward
swishy25 14
A little awkward?!?! More like a shit ton of awkward. But I couldn't agree more with you, that's for sure!
julia2750 11
I'll get you a glass of brainbleach
Mechazilla2 15
On the bright side, he didn't say " so was your sister."
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
Maybe it wasn't as tight
ccameron12 21
Or brother
DobGriffen 8
That's just a little too much information..
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Some people just don't think before they talk...
lukian_fml 29
He clearly thought about it. He wanted to see her reaction! Hopefully he's on FML.
swishy25 14
#10, OP is a Male not a Female!
djTrikhster 4
part time dad. full time savage.
beeferjay 34
hashtag roasted
itwasntme14 19
As a parent I see how he could think it was funny to say but, I would be absolutely mortified if my dad said that to me. Sorry you can't unhear it!
lukian_fml 29
"..and that's how you were conceived!"