Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Your dad is awesome! If the guys have any sense of humour they will know your dad was taking the piss out of you. But then again it could be your dads way of keeping you away from boys. Either way Dad: 1 Daughter: 0
roxii__x 0
"URRRRGH, DAD!"
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Comments (113)
jSOPURE 3
Your Dad is full of win. :)
silenceinspace 0
Number 8: What the hell is wrong with you? "he loves you enough to mess with you"? That makes me ill. I bet that when he was younger, if his friend had done that to him, he would've thrown a damn fit. Hell, I bet you would too. You should really consider the fact that some people have rotten parents who don't always say things in jest.
TryToBeKind 0
In other words, "Stay away from my daughter." Or something to that effect OT but sorta similar My sister's guy-friend Ken used to act like he was her boyfriend (change how he looked at her, put his arm around her etc.) when guys she wanted to flirt with were around. Later, he explained that it was because she had turned down his best friend and his cousin because she 'liked being single too much' and didn't want to change that but she hated hurting the good guy's feelings. So he acted like she was taken to prevent her from accidentally giving the wrong impression. I thought it was brilliant, and he was doing her a favor. A lot nicer than her female friend: Sister turned down Friend's brother (who would have treated her GREAT compared to other boyfriends, she coul dhave just skipped that dating around part by being with him) and friend reacted by telling everyone she had an STD. My sister wanted to be single, she got what she wanted. That was a cruel way to make sure it happened though. I liked her guy-friend's idea better.
musicislife_fml 0
ughh.. that's something my dad would do :( I'm so sorry...
elliebelle1990 0
get over it. its not like the guys were going to ask you out right then and there anyways...
Fnukk 0
They are probably just laughing because your dad is awesome.
npk1112 0
#43....you're a moron. end of story.
tehhotness 0
#43 needs some Midol
BaldOuting 0
finally a dad story! all the stories lately have been about moms doing funny things.
brwneyedgrl1989 0
I completely agree with #48 and #49 chill out #43 it was obviously a joke... Be happy your dad has a sense of humor, it makes life a lot more enjoyable, and besides years from now you will probably be doing it to your own kids. My dad would have done the same exact things, all you can do is smile and say "thank god in a couple of years I wont have to deal with this! " My dad can't wait for me to have kids so he can teach them all of the "cool" ie annoying things he does! so live a little and enjoy it.