Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Your dad is awesome! If the guys have any sense of humour they will know your dad was taking the piss out of you. But then again it could be your dads way of keeping you away from boys. Either way Dad: 1 Daughter: 0
roxii__x 0
"URRRRGH, DAD!"
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Comments (113)
madame_malfoy 4
LMFAO...my dad would so do that...i just facepalm and walk away...or if I'm in mood...say something along those lines back to him...probably about how he shouldn't blame his "issues" on me and it was nothing to be embarressed about...most he'd do to me is yank my hair or pull my nose or something LMAO
shmoop 0
Why can those saying "it's ok you'll never see the guys again" see the words "two attractive guys THAT I KNOW"?
fcuk_fml 0
it was funny! get over it.
shamille 5
how about "my dad calls me babe. fml"
lifeftl 0
dude, your dad would be awesome to hang with
lazylacey 0
ugh dads. they're so embarrassing. my dad embarrasses me everytime we hang out.... haha.
jayfx 0
LOL!!
nafiul93 0
shoulda gotten over emotional and made him feel bad lol
No_Words24 0
hahahahahahahaha!!!!! dads will be dads!! my dad made my last boyfriend take a driving test in order to allow me to ride with him!! all u gotta do is be a model daughter to them and then u guilt them into doing things ur way!!
sick_a_lot666 0
ouch, hun! Been there, done that.