Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
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Top comments
CattyPurry 0
you should have yelled back "are you still 60?" (:
bigbadtim 7
Your dad is funny.
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Comments (138)
CattyPurry 0
you should have yelled back "are you still 60?" (:
RouletteRed 6
Melissa you took that right outta my mouth xD. I'm just glad someone said it lol.
dolphincheddar 10
My dad does that to me all the time, it's a joke, it's funny, get over it.
jayalexander 7
cowboy butt sex!!!!
PawsUp_fml 2
Hopefully she doesn't back up on him Guns Hot lol
juicedboi 7
There you go ladies, you always complaining about bachelor entry. Just say you have diharrea. It will stop about 7.2% of us from trying at least.
juicedboi 7
Talk about typos... you're, and backdoor..
JustHello123 1
Haha gotta love your Dad, always ruins the chances for you to get laid ha!
Tommananaze6T9 4
i think he is too
iPoopMusic 0
I think it's funny. My dad just sits on the couch watching tv all day :/
MagicGiraffe 12
Girls poop?
bigbadtim 7
Your dad is funny.
eminemchick 19
The sun is hot.
bigbadtim 7
Rain is wet.
HappyCynic 0
I'm wearing pants.
jren207 24
I'm not wearing any pants.
jayalexander 7
Damn 39 I was bout to say that shit!
mustardhippo 4
Poo is squishy
DalekScythe 0
holy crap #2! you know what Daleks are (the profile pic)?!?!?!?!?! to OP: srry op you know how dads can get.
BlueCereal 2
Sounds like something my dad would do xD just tell your date that your dad is a clown and it's not true
hemz_fml 13
yea that was hilarious
saraitkddh 47
dad strikes again
BelleBelle_fml 11
It's a father's duty to embarrass their children, let him enjoy his moment.
smileyxo4 5
3- I read your profile, and I want to see your aqua eyes(:
BelleBelle_fml 11
O-o
pdp_fml 21
It sounds like something I might say to my daughter too!
sulitak 27
yeah, My Dad told one of my boyfriends that our Maine Coon cat was part raccoon. apparently my ex was really dumb. he proceeded to ask how we knew.
88yasha 7
Wow that's some nice dad you have there. Your life does suck.
Perksofbeingawal 0
I wish I had diarrhea right now. I've been constipated for like a month...
TheMasticater 9
W...t...f...
missyj0 12
There's always the chocolate flavored laxatives. :D
Ugi 27
6 - I really could have managed without knowing that!
koolkat27 13
I couldve gone my whole life without knowing that #6.
duckman9 55
Call a plumber!
Perksofbeingawal 0
Thanks 133! I did call a plumber and now everything's clear. :)
katialovesfml 0
Just explain to your crush how your dad thinks he's funny easy. All dads do that
Perksofbeingawal 0
Lmaooo hahahaha bro give me some sympathy. :(
polkadots123 2
Woooooooow tmi tmi tmi
coltsrock37 15
This is where you yell back, "You got an STD where?!?"
EmreArslan 11
And her dad would scream back:"from your mom!". Bet the guy wouldnt want to have sex with her anymore... Victory for dad!!!
FMLephant 2
Diarrhea cha cha cha
Jovecove 13
I have no idea why I find this comment hilarious lool
jren207 24
37, Same.
immataco 9
I laughed more at the comment than at the post :D
Glitterhinoceros 14
That's where you excuse yourself and go beat him with a broom
sexybabe13 0
Haha message me
MRVOlivia 22
HOW DOES SHE DESERVE IT?!?!?!?!
fightingkittens 39
Quickly publish something that will, in response to the comment. Otherwise the Nazis will come after you
jren207 24
19, Maybe the dogs died of violent diarrhea.