Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, I went shopping with this girl I like while my girlfriend was busy. We ended up going grocery shopping to make dinner together, and I ran into my girlfriend's parents. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry…" FML
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, while in line for my prescription, my daughter was interrogating the man behind us. I'm a single mother. She asked the man, "Do you think my mom is pretty? Want to go on a date with her?" When he told her he was married, she replied, "So? You can get a divorce." FML
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Top comments
anniebananie 3
A 17 year old guy walks into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist (bragging) "Yeah, my girlfriend is starting to get really hot for some good lovin. I think it's time that I buy some condoms so that I can give it to her good. Tonight we are going to have dinner at her parents house and then going out to inspiration point". The pharmacist recomends a brand of condoms. The guy buys them and leaves. Later that night at the parents house the family and the guy sit down to dinner. The guy asks to say grace. The family obliges. He starts "Dear god, Please protect us and forgive us for our sins," as he continues his speech gets more and more religious. He begs for forgiveness, he asks for world peace, he wishes that everyone could be all knowing. As he continues the family (and his girlfriend) sit in amazement. Finally he finishes, 'God bless us every one." "Wow" his girlfriend says, "I didn't know you were so relgious." "Yeah well, I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".
anniebananie 3
Ummm.. FAIL on all of your parts. Have none of you ever heard that joke? I was pointing out that this story is seriously similar to that one joke about the pharmacist that everyone's heard, except I didn't realize all of you would be too retarded to notice the similarity.
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Comments (171)
anniebananie 3
A 17 year old guy walks into a pharmacy. He says to the pharmacist (bragging) "Yeah, my girlfriend is starting to get really hot for some good lovin. I think it's time that I buy some condoms so that I can give it to her good. Tonight we are going to have dinner at her parents house and then going out to inspiration point". The pharmacist recomends a brand of condoms. The guy buys them and leaves. Later that night at the parents house the family and the guy sit down to dinner. The guy asks to say grace. The family obliges. He starts "Dear god, Please protect us and forgive us for our sins," as he continues his speech gets more and more religious. He begs for forgiveness, he asks for world peace, he wishes that everyone could be all knowing. As he continues the family (and his girlfriend) sit in amazement. Finally he finishes, 'God bless us every one." "Wow" his girlfriend says, "I didn't know you were so relgious." "Yeah well, I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".
XxRocker94xX 0
No.
MR_OHCRAP 0
Wow, seriously not funny #1....
anniebananie 3
Ummm.. FAIL on all of your parts. Have none of you ever heard that joke? I was pointing out that this story is seriously similar to that one joke about the pharmacist that everyone's heard, except I didn't realize all of you would be too retarded to notice the similarity.
RitzyHoke 0
That was what I immediately thought of right after reading this FML!
letitbe56 0
I IMMEDIATELY thought of that joke, too. Come on, moderators! If we've heard it before we're not going to enjoy it that much.
divineinstrument 2
I haven't heard that joke before ... It's pretty meh I have to say
stryder 1
um, well im a epic fail because i laughed.
Alexgoesfml 3
The joke is shit.
Gargananana 1
The joke is shit, and the FML is nothing like it except for the words "condom" and "dad."
XxRocker94xX 0
Unfunny joke is unfunny.
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
Thats the joke I thought of too, the FML is just a new play on this same joke...
tapesculpture 0
after reading that i kinda wanna shoot myself...D:
anniebananie 3
Just FYI, I never said the joke didn't suck. I just posted it because it may have been an inspiration for the FML.
musiclife_fml 0
at least he didn't say "first"
ohcrapitsme 0
lol! Good point. I hate people that say "first"
Broc 0
Way to waste the number 1 spot... you might as well have just said "first!"
raNDMGUy 5
yeah this FML screams fake
pplrretards 0
#15 saaaame
americayay 0
I agree 1/11. I IMMEDIATELY thought of this joke. FAKE!
mattmalin11 0
DANGIT!! when i read this one i had planned to post about the joke but you beat me to it #1 / #11
did_it_4_lulz 0
Being the first comment is THAT important? LAME
jazziue 0
did u run like hell?
ryguy997 0
at least he thinks you're responsible. but then buying condoms makes you responsible.
RaGoNiiTe 0
old joke but stil awesome
djnova11 4
shut the **** up #1
_Noon_ 0
Haha, nice. Especially the super pack part
nonotme 0
Awesome dad is awesome. A lot of fathers would have raged about seeing daughter's boyfriend buy condoms, but instead, he just says he thinks you're responsible. Not an FML, more like a LML.
ReasonsToFly 0
I wish my dad were dat coolzz
ryguy997 0
the fml implies that the dad thought he was happy his daughter had a responsible boyfriend and thought op was another guy who was iresponsible.
Fire_lights 0
Well of course you're responsible, OP, you got condoms. You're thinking ahead 8D
Rellakan 0
"Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend" There's something inherently wrong there... Can you see it? Anyway, at least you know your girlfriend's father always looks on the bright side of life! ;) Optimistic father WIN?
xHaniffax 0
That's exactly what I thought too! costco...romantic....hmmmm
intotheblue 0
Okay good, I'm not the only one who thought there was something messed up about "Costco" and "romantic"... OP: I think the dad was probably not being sarcastic, which means he approves of you being safe. How on Earth is this an FML???
whatastory 0
LOL! Costco & Romantic don't belong in the same sentence haha
bekahshae 0
ydi_ruuc 0
Oh good, I know I'm not so spoiled that I think costco has nothing romantic about it
lesabber 18
Yeah! Why would he put it on FML anyways? Its a good thing.
iBimmer 0
YDI for buying condoms from Costco.
sacredpoppy 0
Explain why it's bad to buy condoms from costco?
worldjudge 0
Costco is know for better values for customers who are buying in bulk. OP said he was buying a superpack? what is that? like 144 condom packages? Imagine a daughter's father seeing that on the conveyor.
4G63evo 0
It's actually 40...
kitties_fml 12
you were shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with your girlfriend? ...k
Pastor_Rich 0
YDI for having sex out of wedlock
eliz3 0
Welcome to the 21st century my friend. Get over it.
lunaticsol 0
Or marriage for that matter.
kitties_fml 12
good call lunaticsol.
taylorj 0
Hey pastor. You're living in the 21 century. *NEWSFLASH* People have sex before marriage. Get your freakin head out of the bible and get in touch with reality. Just think when you're preaching a sermon that a majority of the teens and young adults there are not virgins.
blahdsflksfd 0
That doesnt make it right. What does this being the 21st century have to do with the morality of teenagers? Waiting until marriage does not have to be religious, asshole.
taylorj 0
I wasn't trying to relate waiting till marriage to religion. I know it has nothing to do with it. I just mentioned the bible cause it says pastor in the dude's name. I didn't mean to be so bitchy in my comment above i was just ticked seeing this same comment from the same guy on 3 or 4 different FMLs.
nathan95_fml 3
Lol bro....let's be honest, majority of people have sex out of wedlock, it's not a big deal....
cayytee 0
everyone should stop being so rude..you can get your point across without being mean. if this man really is the guy in the picture or a pastor he deserves a luttle more respect than youre giving him, no?
yasssx3 6
This is the Internet, no one's respectful
fatcow282 8
Well when you realize having sex with the first thing that moves dosent end well let me know
unfortunate_13 5
that must have been awkward, but atleast he took it well
emikinz 0
costco + romantic "supplies" = your cheap.
ohcrapitsme 0
These are hard economic times my friend. Atleast he tried.
Tubasaurus 0
His cheap what?
Charlina 0
aaaaawkwaaard