Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML
Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML
Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML
Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML
Today, I was complaining to my best friend about my weird cousin and how annoying he is whenever I see him (which isn't often, thankfully). She replied, “Isn’t that my boyfriend you're talking about?” Turns out, yes. Yes, he is. FML
Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML
Today, my aunt informed me that my cousin's only problem with his girlfriend is that she's not me. FML
Today, my eleven-year-old cousin, who lives with me, has discovered Old Town Road. He’s been playing it for four hours on repeat and I’m ready to scream. FML
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Top comments
chrisp87 11
I'm assuming your cousin is a teenager who probably plays Xbox and screams ( Come at me bro )
Bakarra 22
Does he use hash tags unnecessarily too? #swag#yolo#420#FML #bouttogetburied
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Comments (185)
DaisyDanger 7
Teach him the true meaning of SWAG! It is an acronym for "secretly we are gay" and was used in the 1970's to advertise gay orgies (swag parties) when homosexuality was not as accepted as it is today. In the event that he is ACTUALLY gay, support him.
Bakarra 22
Thank you Alan, idk where this idea about swag and gays came about but alot of people would like to believe it without doing any research. Now on to proving/disproving the sagging pants trend started in prison...
TheDrifter 24
That ones easy. I was a convict in the early 90s, sagging pants meant an inmate was looking to be on the receiving end of anal sex. Not necessarily gay, some were just out of smokes and not particular how they got more.
FukeT_ 10
120 speaks the truth
Dezteny 5
It actually comes from a Scandinavian word svagga meaning "to rock unsteadily or lurch"
DocBastard 40
Operant conditioning works wonders. Whenever he uses those abominations, flick him in the balls. By the time he's ready to leave, every time he even THINKS about saying "YOLO", he'll flinch. You're welcome.
tmmundy 17
OMG Doc, that is some useful information. I must use this technique next time my husband starts annoying the hell outta me, which he loves to do.
mikeymayhem_87 15
I believe that is called hash tagging them in the balls
YouMissedASpot 8
Oh gosh I feel your pain! Just don't let him ruin it for everybody else in Oklahoma, there really not all like that lol I know people from there to :) in the mean time, look up the meaning of swag and tell him about it. Or threaten to set him up a tent outside if he doesn't shut it lol
sikunt89_fml 16
I would just start saying YOLO and swag all the time too, throwing them out there at really unnecessary times so he could see how stupid it is
Meshidaru_fml 7
Sorry but, what means YOLO?
I_Hug_Cats 26
yellow oranges love ovals
I_Hug_Cats 26
also, duct tape is always an option too
journeytotheend 16
Be a cousin and beat the snout out of him. That's what older cousins ads for!
journeytotheend 16
It's like Jack Black said "I'm fairly certain YOLO is just Carpe Diem for stupid people"
perdix 31
Pretty impressive! His vocabulary is only a year or so out of date. Most people in Oklahoma are still using "swell" and "23-skidoo!"
kman8599 8
Whoa hold up partner. I think it's totally rad that you, can like, state your mind-fact doodaas but gee whiz kiddo I still use those terms, and it's mighty fine tootin swell of a way to like emoticon my real life. Chow!