Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML
Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for two months. FML
Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML
Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
upintheorange 5
obey him. next time he goes in your room, be masturbating.
maphineRAWRS 10
how old is he? :S maybe he'll stop.. untill then I vote bear trap at your door. (:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
InDenial 6
that sucks.
InDenial 6
What a little brat too. Play a prank on him or something.
babyyappld 7
agreed. just dress up as a monster and scare the shot out of him :D
RawDawgie 0
beat his ass!
ScreamAimFire 0
Maan, antique him in his sleep. Follow him around the house with a airhorn, or damn just grow a pair and show him you're not to be screwed with. Like hide his favorite teddy bear or something until he ***** off :)
rallets 23
#8 i dont think little kids should be taking shots :P
_TONGAN_ 5
hey look at the bright side... pretty soon you will be deaf and you wouldn't be able to hear him anymore...
youlikefishstix 0
when he does it pretend a freak out and punch him... it was an "accident" ;)
InnDepth 0
what did you do to make your cousin do that every night?
coderedz 0
sounds like he needs a beat down
warpig182 0
Why don't you just lock your bedroom door? Duuurrrr
Timmo_fml 2
Or you could sneak into his room and superman him!
Penguinman909 7
wow... a triple-post... haven't seen someone do that in a while
mak3_1t_ra1n 0
wait for him to leave then beat the shit out of him
pooper19 3
it's not a shotgun it's a Red Ryder & his name is Ralphie, He's gonna shoot his eye out
theian01 3
Pretend to sleep, then when he creeps up to you, beat his ass!
zerobahamut03 2
Ooo that kid needs a whooping!
nood_fml 0
to op: Buy a ******* tazer! It wont kill the kid... it'll just make him whimper whenever you walk by!
WillyThaKid 0
Get a land mine, some razor wire, and some tear gas... If he makes it through all of that, you should really just go "F" yourself, maybe then he'll stop.
brittanyrc 0
Everyone keeps assuming that op's cousin is a little kid... my cousin is 6 months older than me and calls me "little cousin." But if he is a little kid, just tell your parents?
PrimeStarscream 30
OP needs to sleep with a baseball bat.
matt692009 0
i share ur pain
blaherman 12
smack a bitch
kaprookie 3
what a lovely kid :|
YouDaIdiot 4
punch him in the face, that'll do the trick
maphineRAWRS 10
how old is he? :S maybe he'll stop.. untill then I vote bear trap at your door. (:
clintmaggard 0
your cute(; message me(:
richarosky 0
maphine
richarosky 0
maphine hey baby
richarosky 0
number 4 wow i cant stop thinking
maphineRAWRS 10
haha hey?
wrestler133 0
a little on the pitiful side aswell......
jasonraces 0
rawr lmao
yelwarc 0
nice neon bro how much horses that paintjob get you?
CitizenSnipz 0
umm wat
TomPusslicker 21
a bear trap is too obvious...i say just crank em in the mouth as soon as he does it...play it off as a reflex.
jasonraces 0
just as many as your sticker does ricer lol
sukatlife 0
or put Saran (spelling?) wrap on the inside of the door. it scares the shit out of you If u don't suspect it
77taylah33 0
and it would probably wear off soon
upintheorange 5
obey him. next time he goes in your room, be masturbating.
psycho456 0
wonderful idea
lalagirl912 0
LOL *like*
mama2b3 20
hahaha awesome kid!
clintmaggard 0
your cute(:
thatonename 7
gota stick with cute for the minor?
dancer_is_hawt 3
Well, what are you waiting for?
ladybuuggy 0
well they sound sweet! just lock your door
xStiina 0
halloweens coming ;)
benJ13_fml 5
ahaha +1 for you
tmmundy 17
#15 ur soooo right....lmao