Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML
Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Tell him you wanted a real *****, not a scale model.
saIty 17
Art... I got art...
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Comments (142)
Kallian_fml 21
I can't seem to understand why your boyfriend would want to make himself so easily replaceable...
Camri_123 11
Using toys is like tickling yourself, it works better when someone else is doing it. So maybe he is not that easy to replace.
evilplatypus 39
89 - Complete opposite is true for me and anyone I've ever heard talk about it (having been in a sorority, I've heard way too many girls talk about their sex lives and "special alone time")
Camri_123 11
I guess that is just my opinion, and personal experience. I usually don't talk to other girls about self satisfaction, so I wouldn't really know much about it now would I? :)
Sputnikspak 13
I would much rather spend sexy times with my partner of 8 years than I would with any sex toy. Then again I'm also supposedly a 'unicorn' - a woman who gets off on penetration, not on direct clitoral stimulation - unless it's foreplay, I find it annoying - which is apparently extremely rare. And a silicone wang just ain't the same.
Enslaved 38
I actually watched that HBO special called "Real Sex" and saw how they made molded ******. There was a famous male **** star that was used as the model and in order not to go soft during the plaster/molding process, they had fluffers near by. Yeah, that's how I learnt what fluffers were. I'd ask some questions if I were you. :P
danube_fml 7
I learned what they were while reading Ron Jeremy's autobiography. Funnily enough, it was a pretty good book.
tabbycat2007 22
You can buy the kit* and do it at home all by yourself now. We sell them at Spencer's, and I've seen them at other adult shops too. *Fluffers not included.
screenager5 35
Well, at least your boyfriend is creative... most people wouldn't think to have a ***** custom-made for a gift.
buckdharma 38
Tell your parents that you're a little disappointed. You already have one just like it, so you're not quite sure where you're going to stick it at.
gracehi 33
But... You already have his penis. Why would you need another one of the same?
Myo_fml 20
Maybe he can't last very long and never gets the job done.
Enslaved 38
Hmmm wondering, would he wrap it or just make it your socking stuffer?
Jordanln97 9
Oh my god I'm done
mosquito19 14
he wants you to use it on him
DjeePee 25
I actually find that a very nice gift. At least he wants you to have a jolly good time without him.
loserman67 36
Look at it this way, what he gave you is the right color, the right size and you know it will fit. Pretty thoughtful if you ask me.
obviousboy 8
Probably the world's smallest *****.