Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML
Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Tell him you wanted a real *****, not a scale model.
saIty 17
Art... I got art...
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Comments (142)
sirpantselot 22
That was a teensy bit presumptuous though. To jump from "custom made" to "engagement ring"?
panda_lou 11
Agreed. Not sure how she went from point A to point B. I personally would have assumed it was something engraved like for my 17th bday my parents engraved my iPod.
panda_lou 11
Hey now you can "be with him" even when he isn't there. I wouldn't mind that gift.
stonedfishies 10
Lol, you should've waited until you got the gift first to tell your parents about it.
Warfy 2
"Oh, just something little this year."
Twisted_Angel 17
tell me he painted it to look like a candy cane, and hung some holly from it! that's funny shit.
spikekutter 9
maybe its a sign that he doesnt want your ****** anymore..
sceneforlyfe 4
if you think about it, the ************ will be better because its his penis put to better i use!!!! lol
SteveOsWifey 5
Just buy a cute bracelet and tell them he got you that :)
SiriusBlack97 17
Well, don't have to tell them he got you a *****. Just tell then it was special, ipso facto
lashes_to_ashes 14
That's an interesting gift.