Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML
Today, I spilled flour all over the floor and myself, and it took me eight billion years to clean up and there is still flour haunting me. FML
Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML
Today, while in the shower, I heard my phone buzz. Expecting an important text, I leaned out to check it. I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and ended up stuck in the most awkward position possible with one leg in the shower and the other out. My roommate had to rescue me. FML
Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML
Today, as a stressed NHS nurse, I tried to take a relaxing bath, except I dropped my book in the water, my candle set my hair on fire, I slipped getting out and may have broken my finger. The noise woke up my two kids, so I had to start their bedtime routine over again, and I got bath salt crystals in my eye. FML
Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head, while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water, but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
billyz77 24
Try locking the door.
DisappearingRose 18
Your roommates sound like assholes.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
billyz77 24
Try locking the door.
n3rdzgotskillz 29
Some bathrooms don't have locks
kingotter 4
I think its more of the fact that he shouldn't have to deal with this.
billyz77 24
Then stick a knife in the door frame. My point was, do something, anything, whatever it takes to get some privacy. His roommate sounds like an asshole and he needs to help himself or it's just gonna keep happening.
evilplatypus 39
19 - You make it sound like he's trying to escape an ax murderer. I don't think OP predicted anything like this would have happened (I highly doubt you would have, either).
billyz77 24
I know that anytime you have a roommate, you'd damn well better take precautions whenever you're going to be in a compromising position. Common sense dictates that you always guard your self because nobody else will.
HelloChrissy 9
My bathroom door does not have locks on it...perhaps his door does not lock either.
seriouslythat 6
1 some bathrooms are easy to unlock, if someone puts a bobby pin in my lock it'll open
Stalkerloo 11
36- Gee, somebody's cynical.
Enslaved 38
I know some doors don't have/come with locks but often wonder, why people chose not to install them? It's an easy fix to have added privacy. I've even installed a few myself.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Because he probably doesn't own his apartment, and some leases don't allow you to do things like put locks on the doors?
PnKaos 7
Holy shit guys, we got a regular James Bond in #36. I would think that you wouldn't have to "protect yourself" in your own living space. Especially the restroom. AKA Room of rest.
DisappearingRose 18
Your roommates sound like assholes.
perdix 31
#2, ipso facto, their talking sounds like farts?
oj101 33
They are certainly roomies but roomMATES? I certainly don't think so.
tomhofer 14
You shouldn't wear fur. This is the result. (Sarcasm)
CheeseHater 23
Yeah, if I was OP I'd try to move out.
racerapj 10
Go replace his shampoo with Nair
thatgirlinoregon 21
Or perhaps itching powder on their sheets?
perdix 31
Have you smelled Nair lately? You'd have to have anosmia to not be able to smell out that trick.
thatgirlinoregon 21
Steal their phones and replace each of the contacts with a baking ingredient, and clear all text/call history. Fun times!
oj101 33
#16 - When you're in a steamy shower with water pouring down, impairing allyour senses, it really isn't that hard to mistake Nair for shampoo.
sarah6786 14
When I was 15 I was placed in a home for girls that did not behave. This one girl got mad and poured bleach in my friend's fish tank, so I replaced half her conditioner with Nair. She had a history of making things up and was sent to the psych ward a few times do when she ran around the place screaming her head was on fire, she only got yelled at.
rhaemese 9
66... I think.. I might be afraid of you..
sonicgreg 12
Go into their phones and set it to autocorrect common words to various genital references
patxtreme83 7
Most people use plastic bags when that sort of thing happens. OP, I question your common sense.
klovemachine 24
I'm pretty sure that the OP didn't anticipate the roommates throwing flour at him/her
heygirlie777 21
15-yes, but still, when people can't get their arm wet, just to be absolutely sure, they usually wrap it in plastic.
Enslaved 38
What a hassle-- especially when bathing daily. Sticking your arm out of the bathtub should work just as well. (: but only if you don't have roommates like the OP's.
Megan98 18
When I was getting sick, I had to have an IV stay in my arm for a while. That's exactly what the doctor told me to do. I'm not really sure why this comment was thumbed down?
billyz77 24
Roommate + unlocked bathroom door = prank. The simplest of equations. He might not have expected flour to be thrown on him but he should've known something was going to happen. It's like that old saying of Grampa's: "If you wave your naked pooter at a horny man, you're gonna get ******". I loved my Grampa. He always knew just what to say.
Kitouran 30
I don't know what a pooter is, but that saying sounds really rape-y.
Pleonasm 36
I wanted to find a pun, but these people just raise the flour for shitty friends. I hope you don't have to deal with these people again, at yeast.
thatgirlinoregon 21
Flour power!
Ugi 27
Didn't you know it was "World's largest pancake" day? Hopefully they saw you before they got on to the eggs!
saIty 17
MY EYEEESSS!!!
saIty 17
MY ARRRRMMMM!!!!
thatgirlinoregon 21
MY DIGNITYYYY!
Neonemerld 21
Dinkleberg!
jennamarbles17 9
#23. I was just about to say that lol
perdix 31
You ought to sue your roommates. You could win a lot of *lowers sunglasses* dough.
thatgirlinoregon 21
But first OP would knead to pay legal fees, right?
perdix 31
#17, no, the lawyer's slice is baked into the settlement. This arrangement causes the amount to rise.
Pleonasm 36
These friends and their half-baked ideas really piss me off, I wish they could be charged with batter-y but these in-breads will probably get away wheat it.
Pleonasm 36
(We're on a Roll, perdix)
andyyroxx 20
All of you batter stop now, or I'm going to turn you into donuts and eat the hole pun crew. But just to make sure you're really done this pun game, your curfews are now also at leaven o'clock. You certainly have the skillet takes to make good puns, but you have mushroom for improvement.
andyyroxx 20
Sorry did that roux-in it? Or is the heat now on?
klol_fml 11
C-C-Combobreaker!
happylawyer 16
I like that kind of arragements: 33% of what the person gets. But I don't like suing doctors...you never know who will have ro take care of you in an emergency. ;-)
oj101 33
Dang. What assholes. Oops. Did I say that? Heh, they're casseroles. Anybody is going to want them as roomies cause they're delicious. Such casseroles. *reference to previous FML
naya_bingi 11
How far back is "previous"?! It's been 5 minutes and I'm still searching for that casserole FML.... Oh! There isn't one, is there? You're mean :(
andyyroxx 20
They may be casseroles, but at yeast their intentions were just to spice up OP's life.
badbaby_87 5
There was an FML awhile back ago where the mom called her daughter an asshole in front of family, but then tried to cover it up by saying "You're a casserole, and any guy would just love to have you".