Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
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Top comments
Omg_its_Chloe 6
Why don't you rub some salt and vinegar into his eyes. Poor OP ):
kittycat1597 10
FYL, he's a douche.
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Comments (170)
MistySky 17
It'd suck if you were the salt and vinegar..
zach8771 3
I prefer salted
eyecon502 13
And what school of philosophy does that come from? Pure douchebaggery!
mustangkid21 0
Are you sure he's straight? Sounds like he wants it up the shoot! Grow up kid....
tensor120 2
Maybe he was joking with you, trying to tell you he wants to "experiment" in the bed and just didn't want to say straight up Let's do w/e he wants to do. I don't see how that was bad unless he broke up w/ you?
RedPillSucks 33
Tell him next time he wants the salt and vinegar or the sour cream and onion, he should go down on you before and after you douche.
amyrk 1
Hog.
DellyCup 1
Lololol
paintballnuts 5
He seems as smart as the chip sorry to hear you wasted your time with a simple minded dumb ****
GothInside 6
Go find u some cheetos girl!!