Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
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Top comments
Omg_its_Chloe 6
Why don't you rub some salt and vinegar into his eyes. Poor OP ):
kittycat1597 10
FYL, he's a douche.
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Comments (170)
wlddog 14
Maybe you should make a "confession" of your own. Tell him you have been dreaming of him tied to his bed. Convince him you don't care of he sees other people so he will risk you tieing him up. Once he is at your mercy you can take blackmailing pictures of him wearing makeup and anything else you can think of. Then text pictures of him to his other bag of chips.
klovemachine 24
Win !
marisadc79 0
Dump him he's a cheater
slayerdeath 0
I bet he was trying to tell her that her vag tasted gross. So many flavors, so little time
Lore0007 2
Such an eloquent young man...
misskelskels 0
That's rude... But it made me laugh!!
BellaMarta 19
I thought he was going to say that they're half full of air.
spaztastic89 0
id be concerned about any girl that's "salt and vinegar"
IcedJesus 5
Then he tells you that your the salt and vinegar .. Awks
RawEndo 1
Good analogist
Mikeskinner 7
Only time I've ever used a food analogy on an ex of mine was when I told her that her bra's reminded me of a bag of chips. Open them up and they're half empty.